Paradox

I'm afraid of being unaccompanied.
I felt lonely especially when i was out of order.
I'm not as okay as what i said.
I miss my hyper-laughs.
I miss my simple life, with "i live the way i lived".
I miss those nights surfing until midnight, taking lots of quizzes at facebook.
I miss the time i'm crazing on books and sleeps.

Things out of control, i can't take it anymore.
I started to swing.
And i realized i've dual personality.
I want someone that can secure me.
Someone that i could barely hide myself.
Someone that i could bare my heart to.

Yet, i'm afraid of losing my freedom.
I don't wanna put myself in such a serious situation.
I can't commit yet.
At least not now.

But how am i gonna tell to others?
Telling others that
"Hey man, i'm sorry, i can't commit with you, but i like you, can we just be like this?"
I don't even need to tell this out people already making assumption that
"i am a playful gal, so dangerous, unstable, tempting...like i never have a chance to led a virtuous life, being a wonderful mom!"

I'm just not ready.

Just not yet ready!

I DON'T WANNA LIVE MY LIFE ACCORDING TO COMMON CUSTOM!

AND FOLLOWING THE PUBLIC MORALS ONLY

BUT NOT FOLLOWING MY HEART!

Can anyone really understand it????

I'M JUST..

I'M JUST NOT YET

READY.