What a hell environment here.


All the people are so selfish. I mean all. Can you imagine when all the people are in selfish mode and you are the only one with soft hearted? People will all start to jeopardize you.

Blaming for something that you’ve never done.

Accusing you for something you don’t familiar with. I don’t even know what’s wrong and where I am doing wrong.

There is no evident to show that I’m totally wrong. But she just said there is a strong tendency that i might be wrong! What the fck is this! Just because my position is lower than the others involver so I’m the 1 that need to bear the risk and take the responsibility! She even said no one is going to trust me over the others!

How many more i need to take?

I found the below post about "tiger" personality. Find it quite interesting so let's see how it works on Ms Ping Ping!

屬虎的人性格很奇怪,有時候超愛說話,有時候可以一天不說話; ( a bit true)

高興的時候,會拼命的說話, 不高興的時候,一句話也不說。(yes)

屬虎的人不愛記仇,但誰對他好誰對他不好,他還是記得很清楚的 。(yes)

屬虎的把真實的自己藏於半夜的寂靜和午夜明朗的笑聲中。(Not always la, depends on with who)

屬虎的最注重的就是安全感.希望被保護,卻常常是一個人。(i think my sense of security should come from myself but not others, but of course every gals want to be protected but not always protecting other)

屬虎的不容易愛上一個人，但一旦愛上便很難自拔;一旦受傷，總是被傷的很深。(Ini sesiapa sahaja sama la)

屬虎的是個很愛撒嬌的孩子、總是很依賴別人 。(definitely not me. Unless i do it on purpose)

屬虎的喜歡海。(Bingo!)

喜歡顧影自憐.喜歡自己舔傷口。(Totally not me)

屬虎的性格很古怪而又孤僻,他們會突然在大笑中沉默,感覺悲傷。(Pls delete the last 4 words)

屬虎的心裡想什麼從來不說.別人也猜不到。(got tell la, otherwise no one will knows me.depends on with who la, see worth or not to tell)

屬虎的嘴上說不在乎、心裡卻早已悲涼,心裡的那把火早已熄滅 。(Not always. I always tell the true feeling)

屬虎的選擇了沉默、不再像以前那樣摯熱的去追求某樣東西 。(Still will, but do it rationally)

屬虎的總是很愛回憶,回憶以前的點點滴滴,以前的大小事,只是默默的想著。(I keep good 1 for my future sake)

屬虎的人天生敏銳，與生具備的第六感。對人的內心有超乎尋常的洞察力，會把這些東西放在心裡，可以把你的眼神、內心看得很清楚，但卻不會告訴你，他用旁觀的態度判定虛偽 。(YEs)

屬虎的人不懂甜言蜜語，不屑拍虎屁 。(if i wan, i can perform it well)

屬虎的人本能的排斥虛偽和做作的人 。(Exactly)

屬虎的人不會真的發火，就算生氣，也很快忘記！(take for granted 1 i will sure angry)

屬虎的人只對真正懂他的人，展示他的創造性，他的情緒。(yap)

他變得冷淡就證明他開始對你重新審視，當他越是沉默，就代表他越是生氣 。(Not really angry la, maybe just weighing on the worthiness to hv those kinda friend)

屬虎的人可能看起來很凶，其實內心是最柔軟的 。(this is bloody right!)

屬虎的人看起來很冷淡，但那只是保護自己的方法 。(same with this)

屬虎的人很重視友情，但被傷害後絕對不再友善 。(not really, i'm 重色轻友1)

屬虎的人很容易被感動，但感動中又保有理智 。(depends on what situation la but rationally 1 ok la can accept)

屬虎的人可能看起來很堅強，其實是最脆弱的 。(Not so serious until to use the word最）

屬虎的人可能很愛哭，但他的哭並不代表認輸 。(yes, is a way to release)

屬虎的人可能看起來很笨，其實大智若愚 。(yalo)

屬虎的人可能做事很毛躁，但內心很細心 。(yes, this is right. i am careless but not in purpose)

屬虎的人天生敏感和細膩，卻會用心鑒定 。(yep)

屬虎的懦弱，受了傷之後，只知道躲在無人的地方獨自哭泣 。(yes, get used to it so long already lo, how?)

屬虎的虛偽，明明已經心痛到無法呼吸，還要在最愛的他面前假裝堅強；不輕易讓任何人走進他自己獨自的世界(i will walk away lo so tat don't have to pretend. And it's true ppl not so easy to get into my entirely world)

屬虎的笑容，無論開心或者悲傷，都是一臉笑容。笑容，是他們偽裝自己最好的武器。(i never realize but ppl always say i'm happy gal so it might be right sometimes)

屬虎的眼淚，從不輕易讓人看見，他的淚，從來只有他知道。只是，誰又知道，在笑臉背後，埋藏的是深深的悲傷，笑的越開心，傷的越深 。(not so pathetic la, i will let ppl know my emotion now. Am improving myself now to let ppl know me more)

屬虎的退縮， 屬虎的，永遠不會輕易說愛或者喜歡。除非真的喜歡到了極點，否則，要表白幾乎不可能，但是，一旦表白，就是不遺餘力的付出，即使知道這樣做換來的結果可能是深深的傷害…(some are quite true la but definitely not the 1st sentence)

屬虎的，永遠只可能做同一件事兩次，表白也一樣，同一個人，只可能聽到最深的表白兩次，兩次之後，就是絕對的安靜了…即使仍然深愛著，也沒有勇氣再說第三遍我愛你…不能重複一件事第三次 。(this 1 wrong lo, i totally can do it many many times if i want to)

屬虎的愚蠢，不懂的怎麼挽回深愛的人的心，只能自己心中默默的祝福和祈禱。(what for to save a dead heart, why don' t give a bless to them and move on!)

受了傷的屬虎的，只會在角落獨自忍受錐心的痛。(Of course la, got no way to cry ma, so malu 1)

屬虎的：體貼第一名，愛吃第一名，愛家第一名，孝順第一名，多愁善感第一名。(1st is right, 2nd should be eat a lot but not picky, 3,4 and 5 correct la)

如果你愛上屬虎…請你疼愛生肖虎。。。哈哈。。。(stupid statement, abu then others animal 1 not need to love la!)

I met a daddy and his cute little daughter in the train today. The sweet daddy was reading her daughter stories from his Ipad. When the daughter don't understand the word, she would ask: what is.....? Then the daddy will explain to her and giving example too. At one time when the daughter asked what is...? The daddy said: Erm...i don't know too, let daddy check here. Then he checked from the dictionary and explain to his daughter. So sweet!! the daddy talk to her daughter like she is an adult. I know is impossible for me to have my childhood back to experience this, but i hope one day my daughter would have a lovely daddy like him.

And there was a women's kaki kena pijak by someone's high heel in the train. She looked like very painful but i just couldn't stop laughing inside my heart. Cause the high heel owner just went out of the train after she pijak that woman.  She did not do it on purpose la. Just the woman's face was very funny! hahaha....i am so mean!

这次回来真的收获好多！
电脑修好了，耳机买了，衣服什么东东的都可以再带过去。
一些朋友也见着了。
真的很开心！
待会儿飞机就要回新加坡了，心情要收拾起来，
预备好心，再次的出发。

一切都充满盼望与惊喜的！
感恩身边的天使，因为你们，我的生活充满色彩，也让我可以成为他人的奇迹，继续发光！

谢谢你们每一位！

回家

回到詩巫是爸在機場默默的等著我，雖然飛機抵達得不準時，他沒怨言。
在回家的路途上很興奮，好熟悉的感覺。
在車裡和爸聊了我工作的環境，同事，上司，還有關於新加坡，還有投票的事項。
我很耐心的讓他知道我的點點滴滴，覺得該珍惜這些寶貴的剎那。

回家第一件事是衝去狗籠看狗。
Micky不認得我了，一直害怕的吠我；
Bibi最認得我的，會鳴鳴的叫我；
Momo沒發出聲音，就一直趴站在狗籠要我摸它。
我幾乎是熊抱它們，後來micky才認得我，低著頭，翹著屁股搖著尾巴要我摸它。
我好想它們哦！micky長大了很多，好多肉；momo開始變得狐狸狗的樣子了；bibi還是老樣子。

看到媽第一件事是和她說：媽，我痘痘又長多了！
媽說：哪裡有那麼熱嗎？
呵呵。。她不是說為什麼又那麼多叻。

沖涼都在偷笑啊我！
水力好大哦！沖得好爽！
在新加坡這陣子，我覺得自己從來沒乾淨過。
水又小，又得趕着沖每次。
今天終於是最乾淨的了，還磨砂了全身！！好幸福哦！
我是最香的女人了！

媽燉了補湯給我喝，好好喝哦！好多哦！好痛快好幸福哦！
媽問痘痘那麼多是因為壓力大嗎？
我說壓力倒沒，就睡不夠。
原來她怕我在哪兒會壓力大呃！
好！我不可讓自己壓力大的！

和她說了哪兒的情形，幾乎沒有一天睡飽過，
爸說那唯有自己一個人住一間了。
媽說就希望下一家不會遇到夜貓子的房伴。
還真不想讓他們擔心叻。。。
和她說我現在的roommate其實對我蠻好的，今天下午還大煮了一餐請我吃叻！
有幾個真的對我很好，常常有煮多都會邀請我一起吃。

我把整鍋的雞湯給喝完！哈哈哈
我的好胃口似乎是給他們很好的安慰吧！
媽說上次她煮八珍豬腳時，爸說如果我在的話，我一定會吃的嘩嘩叫的！
她還說現在人只剩下三個，吃得多麼爽快。
希望他們說的和所想的都是真面的。

洗碗時我還跟媽說我被偷蛋的事，
而且我留字條之後，隔兩天既然 蛋會原位了叻！
我和媽說我身體檢查時，醫生說我血壓低。
我還說我來月經還是會痛，唯有吃藥。
媽說去ultrasound看一看子宮，
我說不然去看醫生吃避孕藥（荷爾蒙藥的一種）順便解痘痘！
媽說不可以吃避孕藥，還沒結婚等下有副作用不會懷孕去！
媽還說身體健康最重要。^^

家人就是那麼的真誠，那麼的無條件愛我，不管我變成怎樣！
所以我回來雖然是短短的兩天不到還是值得的。
我說了，我去新加坡唯一的遺憾是不能看著爸媽變老的過程，可是我能夠改變的！
我會好好把握能回來的日子，不管別人怎麼說我荒唐那麼頻密的回家，
笑我這麼那麼想家 （嚴肅的：很好笑嗎？）
那時因為你們不是我！那不是你們的爸媽！

Something funny happened today. A female manager from my office trying to be matchmaker to match a guy to me. I think is the guy's idea...and she even asked me to go have lunch together with him tomorrow saying that no one company me, so prepared someone to accom me...She didn't say directly but they acted so obviously to ask the guy's age in front of me and what kinda gal he likes...

Betahan this ppl. Can someone pls act normal a bit??


Tomorrow, i'm gonna tabao and eat alone! for sure i don need any accompany!

A very normal looking person. If you didn't pay much attention to him, you'll probably won't recognize him again. Is like very public face. But he looks nice,baby face with a pair of dimple. He is tall and have beautiful skin.

Let see it works or not these theory...
Is it possible that having a new one is able to help you to get rid of the old shadow?
Will the new one just a  replacement to the old one? Like a life buoy or something about that?
Or the new one is the one and previously are all lessons to let this guy to get a better me?

No matter what it is, ultimately i will put down the old-i-used-to-love-the-most-one.

Have faith still.

I will be meeting a guy who claimed that he is so into my sepet eyes tomorrow.
I was suggesting to bring my friend but he said would it be awkward later if we end up no topic to share?
So i guess he is just another MW.

I feel like i'm so careful now, like an old lady to watch out every steps that i moved, every decisions that i made. Why not simply do whatever i want?

And by the time i said the above statement, i know i'm not totally obey to be someone that He wants. Cause i'm still thinking of going out to have fun with friends. Not wrong is it? But i am kinda person that easily mix around with, especially with male. People might think that it is good to have this kinda personality but if i'm lacking of self discipline and self control, self destroying is my final destination! So ironic!

When i was writing this blog, i recalled back the experience that i had, again, that destroyed my entire relationship with someone. 

I guess i got the answer for my question. In the end of the day, i will hurt the one i loved and the one who loves me. So i need to take heart like what He taught.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" Proverb 4:23

And why is He need to disciplined me?

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." Proverb23:13-14

Cause He wants to save not only my life but my soul to the eternity.

So it's good to write blog (or have a habit of writing diary), cause it will help to analyze myself and get to know myself more unconsciously.

Memories are life lessons, only when you are able to know what is the truth and willing to fully accept the truth and find a way to make your life keep moving to a better path way, better direction, to be a better man.

I started to bull shit randomly again......better shut down 1st.,

I was crying last night. As in really let my tears well up in my sepet eyes

because......

I couldn't sleep!

It's really killing me! Kill my patience as well.
You know what, i was so sleepy and tired at the time around 8.30 something. (By the way, i finally took the right bus to come home and it actually shorten the time on the sky and road. Previously i kept on taking the stupid wrong bus which took me around 30 mins to wait for it and bringing me "swim Holland" for quite a few stops before putting me to the MRT. And i need to walk to the opposite to take the train somemore.)
So i went on bed but when i closed my eyes, i could hear so clearly the mouse clicking non stop created by my roommate, the sounds made by opening and closing of the door(EVERY 10 MINS), someone talking at the living room like we are all deaf.....and the light is on somemore i slept on top of the decker bed.

So i guess i couldn't bear it so i cried. I couldn't sleep with a sound. So what to do? Only can cry mah...Then i called back someone to cry for lo.

Then today my eyes was swollen. And more pimples again.

I never ever thought that i would caught in sleeping problem until now. And the feeling is so horrible~
Pls just let me die!!!!


*Thank you so much Wei Li.

Browsing the facebook page, i saw Sibu ppl so excited about the election. I might be the 1 sharing those posts too if i were there now.

I saw someone's having new member in their life.

Someone's almost getting to what they wish for.

Someone's in love again. I bet she will say that this is the right 1. I heard for quite a few guys already. Hopefully.

Students are so bothered by the assignments.

Gals are bother in love relationship.

Guys are so fascinated about IT product.

Beauty product photos are everywhere and simply tagging ppl around.

What about me? What i am in for?

I'm just sleepy and tired.
And i just hope that my leaving is not a regret thing.
Family still is the 1st for me.
Love i would rather said.
I love love.
To be loved and in love with.

Why on earth we can't love God like the way i love guys?

ok, i got the answer.
There are different types of loves.
Human and God, how can i put it together since there are from different level.
Father and daughter.
Yeah....Is father and daughter's love.

So grant me the lover's love if You see my heart is ready^^
And firm my heart if i am not ready yet. Not until is 100%
And leave me far from temptations and provide wisdom to love ppl.

Gosh i miss friends so much!!!!

My roommate is so ridiculous! She brought her husband to our room to chat online with their China family. Don't she think that it is so inappropriate to bring guy(i don't care is ur hubby or ur sugardaddy!!) to a room with almost half naked female mates on their bed??? Seeing us moving around without wearing bra????? How should i know where his eyes aiming for later???? Shit lot asshole!!! I hove no idea what is this china ppl's thinking!!!

And someone stole my eggs this time!!! There are 2 refrigerators and i purposely put the eggs inside a plastic container. Just 2 days, i found out the eggs getting less. I'm angry, not angry for paying again to buy but angry with their attitude??? What do they eat to feed them up actually???? To make them think that taking someone's belonging without asking is fine???? Tell me what should i do?????? Yelling to ask who the hell taking my eggs??? Am i overreacted? Shit Shit Shit Shit!!!! Ended up i wrote a piece of note to put inside the container as this: pls ask before taking it! This is belong to 萍萍！(in case they cannot read English, i put my name in mandarin).

Tell me how should i like them? Tell me?

The only reason is the inexpensive renter!!!!!!

@#$%^&*@##$%( i really feel like wanna shout out loudly all those F words!)

很多東西要分享的，可是時間不允許。
我縮短它們。

工作很充實，開始到結束根本沒時間relax，喝水上廁所的時候就是休息。

工作就是要高效率，高素質，然後不要你OT （我說神經病啊你們！假到要死。）禮拜五放工說relax, is friday, just relax.(lax你個頭啊，你要relax是你的事，幹嘛要我配合你relax，然後在等你們批評我效率不好，做事沒交代是嗎！什麼都包你們說啦！）

有這樣一位人，愛拍馬屁，以為自己很了不起跟上面的很好，其實是個可憐鬼，連吃個午飯都沒辦法一個人。一直在配合大家的時間。·然後還要做的很像某某人一定是要和她一起開飯的。

有這樣一位人，自己做錯被人講，然後就拉新人下水說是新人做的，說她沒時間查新人的錯。（重點是新人明明親耳眼聽看到你的錯！因為是新人，忍。）

有這樣一位人，什麼都沒查清楚，大罵人做事怎麼那麼沒系統，style怎麼這樣那樣。心裡多難過還得隱藏起來若無其事的去吃飯繼續做工。讓後忍住“委屈”這個感覺，直到放工走出了建築物才不去壓抑它。

我不喜歡你們。就開始對你們假。可是想想這樣我不就是和他們一樣嗎？

原來之前朋友有說希望我到了新加坡不要變得與新加坡人一樣自私是有道理的。因為它是無神無息的把你逼的那副模樣的。

所以我不上當。我會更小心自己的工作讓你們無話好說。
如果硬要陷我，我會忍，吸取教訓。
如果你們再變本加厲，我會跟自己說
I don't give a shit damn on you! Cause you are nobody for me! My life is not control under ur hand or ur bossy mouth. Mind your ass,the final judgment is worth for you to cry for.

當然有好的。
我一直要打電話去問這個那個的，所以可以訓練我的英文。
我做事要快，可以訓練我有高效率，這是在詩巫舒服的環境學不到的。
我得安排各個seminar courses，雖然麻煩，可是我拿到各個的institute名字及認識到更多的coursing，讓我長知識。
我得budget買東西，train我的白痴金錢觀念，以後讓我成為精打細算的人。（便宜了我未來的男人）
要我跑來跑去沒問題，我會越來越fit，身材越來越辣！（又是便宜了我未來男人!)然後你們就是豬頭身。
要我忙來忙去沒問題，我只會適應習慣，而你們就會變懶惰，讓後依賴我，然後沒我不可！

我會習慣的～等著瞧。

This job....

I need more motivation. I mean self motivation. Self-set-goal.
I'm not gonna give up so easily. No. I'm not.
Looking back how hard i did and what ive went through to this point....
Not worth it to pause here.
I'll live through until i got the values that i want..
And this is all i want to be here.

I might having the give up thought again i know.
But i'm gonna let it come and deal with it.
It's alright. Nothing is too big. Not even close to tsunami.

剛接到媽的電話，說姑丈去世了。今早他昏倒，之後就離開了。
對於姑丈沒有多大的交流過，只知道他們一家是很努力辛苦去維持他們的家。
姑姑有三個孩子。似乎每個孩子的出生都帶有先天性疾病，從他們出身就在醫藥費上花了蠻多開銷。從聽到他們開雜貨店到買雞殺雞。。。今年新年他們有來我家可是我沒見著他們。
剛剛沖涼時就滿腦子是這些。
為什麼？
姑姑還沒結婚時還有份蠻不錯的office工。
後來結婚嫁去他鄉不久就听到孩子健康亮紅燈。
之後就陸陸續續有聽到他們很努力幸苦他們的家。
現在姑丈也離開了。只剩姑姑和三個孩子。我也不清楚她的孩子多大了。
我好想問媽，是不是姑姑當初不結婚就不會那麼幸苦？
我承認我對婚姻沒有很真面的看法，而且影響很多我對家庭觀，婚姻觀，以及戀愛觀。
好像都沒什麼好嚮往的。
想哭嗎？
我哭不出來。
不過心裡很不舒服。
很同情他們。很無能為力，很無奈。
如果我是其中的家庭成員，我應該只有哭吧。我不知道，也不想嘗哪滋味。
我唯一能做的唯有求神繼續看顧著安慰著姑姑一家人，給他們希望，給他們活下去的勇氣。
也給我們明鑑，人生無常，珍惜當下，珍惜所有的，也感恩所沒有的，活在值得的事上，放開執著的煩惱。
我愛你們。

新加坡人我不喜歡。至少目前我認識的都不入口味。
我遇到很喜歡說新加坡髒話的，雖然很好笑很新鮮，但讓我聽了很不舒服。
我遇到很喜歡自吹自擂的，雖然很不認同，但人在江湖身不由己，唯有笑笑應對。
我見識到新加坡們的氣量是很少得可憐。很會投訴，而且真的佩服的五體投地，什麼都能投訴。應該說他們很敢說，不像我的家鄉，以和為貴。他們是覺得有理就該理清。或許這辨別新國與馬國的不同。也因為這樣新政府的政策才能那麼的有力，反而馬國什麼都不是，沒公平可言。
我遇到他們批馬來西亞批的一文不值。無能為力反駁，因為他們句句屬實，就是敢講。
我一直在警惕自己要學他們的敢說敢言，不過不好的就不好學，還真怕自己會無聲無息的被他們影響。

新加坡也有很多亂丟垃圾的地方啊。而且隨時在逛街可以看到互用接吻的小情侶或老情侶。在地鐵也一樣。地鐵已經擠得像沙丁罐頭了，我親眼目睹情侶在我面前又抱又摸又吻的。真的很受不了很噁心。我甚至遇過穿著校服的小情侶呢。覺得這到底是什麼世界啊～慢慢我就會見怪不怪了。

這裡的小孩兩三歲就得開始與人拼命的競爭了。 再遇到很會complain的父母兼朋友們那麼開放的影響，想想會產生怎樣的新一代。他們會越來越怕輸，風氣會越來越開放。所以小地方還是有它純樸的好。

so i'm still the kampung girl ^^

Started my job for 3 days already.
Everything still alright and i finally feel me back again as a useful ppl.
My blood pressure is a bit low than the normal figure.
This was what the doctor told me when i was doing my medical checkup.
Probably that, i feel dizzying for these few days.
Or maybe because of the tiredness.
Or maybe lack of sleep recently.
Or too stress?? I don't know.
I think all these factors put me in.
i need to move again on June.
Need to find place nearest to my working place.
Cut down my time on the road and rest more.

i think i am having some health problem here le...