Saturday, February 26, 2011

我们是大人了。做事像大人。(我有吗?我是被逼一定要。而且唯有这一条路了)
你们过得都很好啊! (我在你们面前一定会过好,这是爱我的方法。暗藏的伤痛我会一一随时间面对。我要的是完全的面对而不是逃避。给我自己时间)
他知道我的去向。(谢谢愿意接收我的消息。我不要你再成为我的顾忌。)
我现在所拥有的力量,很多是从你而来的。是化悲愤而来的。
谢谢。
恐惧会挪走你一切的希望。
你会惊慌失措,你开始怀疑到底你错了吗,你会觉得很无助,也很无奈。
不让别人太担心自己,所以都和大家说我没事的,我一定能。。。
因为我坚信真的一定能,只是我慌顿了现在。
我还在着急的寻回我的信心,希望它还跑不远。
可是我发现我越急,一切就越慌,越乱。
然后我就更急。
然后这个恶性循坏就一直继续。
没完没了的。

我还看到魔鬼在我旁边大笑我的小信,
而且还对上帝说:
“你看哪!你所谓爱你,信你的女儿,原来只是在喜的时候相信你,
遇到苦难时,嘛事当你一文不值,想都没想到你啊!还亏你为他们
这些那么无知,不感恩的罪人,多么羞辱般的被他们钉死在十架上!”

我真的很惭愧。我真的就像魔鬼所说的那样,可是每次祂还是没有放弃过我。

我今天的苦难我会受用一生的。
我能用我的经历去安慰同样与我相识经历的人。
我能成长。我能真正知道谁才是我最坚定的依靠。
我能知道属地的世界是那么的不牢靠,那么的让人活在水深火热当中。
我能知道到底我该把自己投资在哪里。

不要放弃,不到最后一分钟,我都有希望的。
要火热!!别人很喜欢你的笑脸的!加油!

Friday, February 25, 2011

The rate that the Auntie Lee offered was much much so expensive than my expectation. I thought she would give me an offer like maybe give it free or maybe just $200 or $ 300. But it was $85 per day and $1800 per month.
T.T

If i'd know that you were such a blood sucker then i wouldn't make it so last minute. So low mood after failing so many trials.

It's my last 2 days in this office. No feeling at all. Sorry staffs, i really really don't have any of the berat hati feeling. Not even close. But i guess i'll miss the environment here especially if i get bullying by my future colleagues.

2 more weeks to go before my departure. Still not knowing any that can confirm my life.

There is hope for me to save back my hard disk photo. Excited about it? Not at all. Guess not much now can really perk me up...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I just simply love raining day


Why?

Cause i love to see many many clouds turning dark gray and the whole sky is suddenly so dark. And sometimes come along with strong wind. I love wind, blowing all over my body like they are whispering to me. I love the sounds make by raining. The sounds when the rain hit on the buildings and on the roads and on the swimming pool/river/sea.

Cause when it starts to pour, it can reduce my tension. I would feel like nothing is too big to handle. Or maybe because sometimes raining does stop me from doing something, thus i have extra space for myself! Haha...is called lazy too.

Okalah, i like to get wet but my mom always stop me from getting touch by rain so i like raining day.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I am mean. Yeah i know.

There is a gal staff in my office, same age as me. One day, she came over and asked me to do her a favor. she wanted me to help her to take the phone out (she really asked like that) from the the table behind her, she said she don't know how to do it. I was curious on what was she mentioned about.

I went there and unplug the phone cable and pass the phone to her. She said, ah...like this ah?? i thought i need to remove the whole cable.=.=''
我还蛮稳定的。
当我听到娜娜的公公去世时。
今天我的一切生活都正常。

可是看到她的部落格时,眼泪不知觉的涌出来。

回忆。
那种你永远再看不到和你生活曾经那么息息相关的人,
在这个世上永远再也没有他的消息,
望着窗外,在呼喊你在哪里?
心里是一片不安。那我该怎么办?我该这么办继续我的生活?
曾经是自己最喜欢的风景,当下觉得一切都不在美丽,
我的世界是一片黑暗。
心痛,多么的痛,甚至你会痛到不想看到明天。
地球还是在转,草还是在长。给别人,似乎一切没舍不同,一切都在继续。
唯有你在感觉到痛。痛到你无法言语。无法形容。
没有经历到要参与到丧礼。所以我逃过更多心痛的画面。

当下你就尽情哭吧。哭到睡,再醒,再哭,再醒。这是免不了的。。。

我不知道要怎么安慰你。
Just take heart. Everything under His control. He has plan for everything. EVERYTHING.

Monday, February 21, 2011

I received the Dell Laptop finally!!!! Wahahaha....it really cheers me up when everythings seem to be so unmotivated for me.

I really really love you Bro!!!
This is the 2nd laptop in my life. The 1st one burnt already and i'm falling in love immediately with this laptop though i used to berat hati to let go of my old 1.

Well, though it's still not so perfect. I couldn't find the genuine sticker and the microsoft office 2010 thing cannot work out. The sound system sucks. The display for window 7 is so ugly and user unfriendly. The DVD player is external 1.
But i just love it cause it is from my family. And i love the laptop bag which i dreamed for long long time ago.  I'm carrying the bag in front of the mirror, i could see my smile is so genuine and sweet.

And i can't wait to blog this out to tell you all!!

Thank you so much for everything.

P/S: I lost all my photos. All. All as the entire of my life album for 25 years.
Foochow Red Wine Mee Sua. MUST put at least a bottle of the red wine! MUST!!
 Mee Maggi Curry Flavor with Green Onion. A lot of Green Onion.
 Money changer at Thailand!
 It's my favorite posters. Used to.
A good book from Larry that blessed me for a good relationship. It indeed brought away the bad one. And i'm still waiting for the right one to come.














What?They used to be glamor too what when they were young. Sure got a lot of admirers. i think. klah, at least i admire.

Making "Zhao Chai"














Friday, February 18, 2011

门徒1

终于上完了门徒课程了。
是用了九个月的时间完成的,
真的蛮长的。

想起刚开始其实并没有一颗很火热想参与的心。抱着的只有一颗我得装备自己的心,比较相近与这是我的责任一样。自己本身参与短宣也有三次了,海外的还两次,总觉的自己很理亏,好像自己是个空壳去短宣,那时在最后一次短宣就自己为自己下个决心,一定要好好装备自己,所以我接下了欣柔的邀请,参加了这个课程。

课程是每个礼拜一次,一次是2个钟左右。一个是在礼拜三,一个是在礼拜六。当时我选了礼拜六的时间,因为不想在工作时间的礼拜一到礼拜五之间再上课。上了一次发现到原来这个为期九个月的课程最多只可以缺席四次而已,超过就当做没上过,就是没有毕业文凭好拿。我好多的周末都要安排时间去古晋,所以我没有办法继续礼拜六的课程,所以我就换去礼拜三的。

其实不怎么愿意换去那边的,因为那儿的人我都不认识,而且都是长辈。可是上了一两次发现到长辈们对圣经的见解与看法原来是和我是那么的不同的。提问的问题都是我从来没思考过的。慢慢发现到他们那边的好。而且长辈们所预备的点心是非常的丰富。有猪脚醋,意大利面,米粉,鸡汤面线,肉骨茶,烧卖,布丁,西米露水,还有许许多多很丰富的食物,我好爱哦~我开始爱上了门徒课程。我会很期待礼拜三。我会很看重礼拜三,不随便缺席。

接着就是与他们建立了很好的关系。有很渴慕神话语的丽芳姐,她的功课每次都做得满满的,而且会借我她的灵修版圣经给我参考。她很爱她的家人,提起她家人见证,她每每都会梗住。她的厨艺更是一级棒!做她的儿女真的很幸福。

还有世宝,她的名字真的很有意义。留在世界上的宝贝。一度让我拼了命的挤破头想自己的名字到底是什么意思,结果最后我放弃了,因为我妈就真的只是帮取个名标签,没别的意思。世宝给我感觉是个很独立,很坚强的一个妈妈。所给予的教导都是由神而来。

* 这篇是我从draft里挖出来的,一些太细小的还真的不能继续了,剩下的同学们,我就掠过咯。我就大概述一述整体.*

神借着这个课程一路的在2010年拉拔我。
从我因为一个男人而把上课时间从礼拜六改为每个礼拜三,到我慢慢爱上这个课程,再到我们分开。借着这个课程,它在我最无助最彷徨,最低落时,给我力量继续乐观的走下我的日子。我常在驾车来回上课的途中思考神的大能。其实祂让我上这个课程就是知道我会遇到这个难题,祂要我借着这班同学们的关怀及他们的见证,以及所学到神的话语来维持我的思维,继续我的生活。你看祂是不是很厉害!一切都不是偶然的。

我很多的错误观念就是从这个课程给导正回来的。什么是重生?什么是更新?怎样学会认罪悔改不让魔鬼留地步?什么叫顺服?什么是倒空生命?什么是基督徒的样式?
我很开心能学到怎么多对我及别人生命有怎么大改变的知识。就是那种所付出的一切都非常值得的。

还有同学们对我泰国短宣以及迁移新加坡都很支持,及给予鼓励祷告,让我很感激。

每个年龄阶层的朋友也增多了。有会玩二胡的少年人,有很热衷于教会侍奉的妈妈,有很看重礼貌的uncle,有很美的年轻妈妈,有很慈祥又很有厨艺的妈妈,有物理治疗师,有与我一样身怀抱负的年青人,还有年轻的牧者。

总之我在上这个课程过程都很享受,也感谢神一切的带领。我会继续上完其他三本的。我一定会。
I dig this from my draft.

I'm receiving the same comment,

"You look like much more happier than before.
 The smile on your face is so real"

Sometimes, we do need other to tell us what's wrong with us, of course, we need to have wisdom to take their words too.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Valentine's DAy

I had a wonderful night with Angel and Cheng.  I'll let the photos tell the stories. Just let me tell it.

 I was supposed to wear this until i met up with Angel. She wore casual t shirt and short pant. Luckily i did wear a short pant, so i just changed the dress to jacket.
 I changed my clothe in my car. Immediately!
 Tada!!! This is it. I mean the jacket thing. We had a fresh orange juice and a cocktail called "screwdriver", and mix grill steak, chicken in the basket and sausage rolls.
 Ending shot. It costs us only RM66.10 for all the dishes. Super economic!
 Mirror mirror in the camera, who's the darker in the world? Aha! It's me!

Doreamon's future door or we called it "any-place-can-go-door". It reminds my childhood.









The purple scarf was my valentine's gift from Angel. Come on! We can go to Thailand again using it!!!
 I think i'm just so obsess in my childhood cartoons.
 Mad crazy acting post in front of the fan!
Angel was so high.....i don't know why. Guess she was so happy with us celebrating Valentine's day together.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Extra Income

I am getting another extra income soon, taking the offer to appear on a screen for J hair saloon Academy. I was quite happy (is like WOW!!!! Am i gonna be a superstar!!! hahahaha ^^.....gal dreaming only la) when i received their call asking my help for the advertisement (Even though i rejected them for my soon absenteeism). But then they told me they would make it before my date. And it's actually quite interesting cause i never try this before. And today i spoke with the person in charge, he promised me that it would only take me the most a day for the shooting. So, i guess i should take it. It might be the only chance for me to get on the screen.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

结婚

我看到乱成一团的婚姻。各怀鬼胎。留得了人,留不了心。自杀与他杀的恐吓能留得了什么?
我也看到很窝心的订婚仪式。来自亲朋戚友的祝福。满满的喜悦对于他们的未来。
 我也看到真心想要娶/嫁对方的新人。让我一整天也想着结婚。

Monday, February 7, 2011

你肯嗎?

約翰福音六1-14 

神有時喜歡把我們先放在缺乏中,我們擁有的可能只是二十兩銀子的錢、五餅二魚的小小糧食,但祂又同時把一個當前極大的需要放在我們眼前要我們解決,為的是要試驗我們,看我們對祂的倚靠和信賴有多少!因為祂自己原知道那些需要,也知道當怎樣行。

你信祂的能力麼?祂願意用你的「有限」去變成「無限」嗎?用你的「不夠」去變成「足夠有餘」嗎?用你以為「無用和不算甚麼的」去變成「爆炸性的影響」嗎?最根本的問題不是多或少,有用或無用,而是,你是否願意獻出你「所擁有的一切」,交在祂手中,信靠祂並與人分享。

經文說,那些食物「都是隨著他們所要的」分給他們。你看見別人的需要嗎?神有足夠的能力藉著你去使他們滿足,而且有餘。因為祂是真神!

今天读到这一篇不是偶然的。 在我爸泼冷水下,这就是祂给我的安慰。祂听了我的祷告,明了我的忧心及孤独。
No matter what, i will put through all this with strong faith.

CNY stories part II

I saw a traditional big house on my way to Li Hua Island. I saw a woman sitting at the vestibule, watching her dogs playing and running here and there. I saw loneliness in a big house.

I witnessed a huge changing of my gal friend. Last year, she brought a gangster and telling us he was her boyfriend. This year, she came with her fiance and brought her wedding photos for us to choose. She's going to get married on Mac 2011. I used to be so worry about her, but see....God has make a beautiful plan for her. As far as i know, she's actually planning hard to get a baby now.

My Uni's housemate complaining that her dad does not allow her to drive. He would rather drove her to work everyday or go to any places that she wanna go. I was wondering why my parent never thought about doing this for me. But i appreciate the freedom and the trust that my parent gave.

I finally get to visit the ideal family that i long for. I love the food, the "Kinect" game, and the warm feeling.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

CNY stories

I met with a gal friend who has a lot of doubts about her relationship.  And she kept on asking me is it distance an important factor for a relationship. I don't know. Seriously. It really depends.
She is a pretty and charming gal, graduated in UK as a pharmacist, having training at there for a year.  She is from a rich family. But she doubted about herself, thinking she wasn't good enough. She said she is lacking of confidence for her English. I feel sorry about her.

I think she is good enough in her family. And she's really worth to have the recognition from herself especially.

I met with many pairs of couples (my school mate). Some of them planning to get married soon, soon as in within this 2 years.  I wonder when will be my turn.

I went to my relative's house, her daughter told me that she saw the dress i wore before. She said that it could be found all around the place at some part of Sabah. I told her, it is a gift from my friend. But i didn't let her know that there was story behind the dress. It was a gift from Angela to cheer me up for the broke up.  She didn't want to accept my money and insisted that it was an early Christmas gift for me which was so obviously odd cause she never gave me anything for last, last and last Christmas. Actually i was quite frustrated when she commented on my dress. But now when i am typing this out, i felt grateful cause it reminds me back again there are loves around me.

Done with the daughter, now is her mom. The lesson that i learnt from her was no matter how rich i am one day, i'm gonna be humble still.

And i tell lie to shut her mouth about my current status. (I know i shouldn't do this, but i just couldn't help it)

My junior told me about his new. Saying that he plays well in cello. I told her to take good care of him with a steady voice from a pierced heart.  It bothers me.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

CNY

I'm not really enjoy for CNY. But i know next year maybe, i will craving for it. 
 Back to the origin of CNY, it's actually for a family to gather, to reunion. Especially on 30th night. That's why we have reunion dinner.

I wonder how many more years like this (i mean all my family can gather together)...i should enjoy it but the truth is i don't really enjoy the CNY. Feel guilty about this feeling. I should live the real moment...and enjoy all of my life.

Nothing is too late Ms Wong. From now on, you're in mad love for CNY mood!!!!
Smile sweet heart^^

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

新年有那么开心吗?

 新年对我的好是:
1. 有假期
2. 可以和远方的朋友聚一聚(前提是要同一个调格的)。
3. 有红包拿。
4. 有免费肉干吃。
5. 喜欢被亲戚或朋友称赞(虚心假意的不算)
6. 有借口买新衣新鞋

新年对我的困扰:
1. 很忙啊!忙不完的预备。。。
2. 很累。不能袖手旁观没帮忙,会被骂。
3. 睡不够。比平时睡得还少。
4. 讨厌三姑六婆。什么都能比。
5. 讨厌被问婚期(不管我是有男友或单身)
6. 讨厌被问怎么那么青春(豆豆)
7. 太成熟,没红包拿。(没红包拿不介意,介意有分时略过我,以为我是人家的太太)
8. 当我要午睡时,某某某既然来我家要拜年,我会想“你们还真会选时间” (我选人的)
9. 太多团拜,而且是大批大批的人群,很容易出火,太多意见,不喜欢。
10. 讨厌驾车,路很塞。
11. 讨厌跟人车,因为不能想跑就跑。
12.讨厌人家来我家说要我家的孔雀鱼.

所以说到底开心吗?看来要等后续了。