Last day

Another 1 and half hours for the final paper. Am wearing nothing, just a piece of towel, sitting in front of the laptop, thinking about what will gonna happen later. Everything started heavy today, my eyelids, my body, every step...

Come on gal!!
This is the day that you're waiting for since the 1st day you came into UNIMAS!
Why are you hesitating now?

It's gonna be hard, i know....
But still you have to move on
whether you like it or not
There is no choice
YOU HAVE TO!!

Go and tidy up yourself.
Take a deep breath.
And let's go!



p/s: I don't wanna cry -.-

I don't want !!

I don't want to go home. But i miss them.
I don't want to stay here. But i might need a job here.
I don't want to start working. But i need it to support my life.
I don't want to become the slave of money. But can't denial that i like it.
I don't want to leave my life as a student. But i can't control it.
I don't want the time to pass so fast. But i can't pause it.
I don't want to become an adult. But i keep on growing older and older.
I don't want to leave him. But he'll leave me, soon.

Since when i become such an irresponsible person?

Reluctant

It's 6 o'clock in the morning. I woke up at 5, sitting on my bed, the word "reluctant" came to my mind. Reluctant to leave here, reluctant to be apart. I looked through the window, the street lamps were switched off, i could see nothing...Just like my future...I know it won't gonna be dark for my future, but i can't see where will i be few years later from now. And that makes me feel insecure cause i don't even know where should i go? what should i aim for?

I'm loss...

Friends are soon to separate. some are ambitious to go abroad, some are going to further their studies, some stick to their home town, some plan to stay in Kuching and some still don't know where should they go...

I think i need a shoulder to rely on

What is goin on?

I don't like this kinda gesture!
Like i have to give whatever that you asked and expecting me to say no "no"!
U're saying that you don't want to force me,
but you are forcing me!
By showing that kinda attitude and expression.
I'm not guilty, i don't think i had done something wrong.

I have my own thought. Not only you!
Please
Respect me!

You are pissing off on me, but did you ever think what was my feeling at that moment??
DID YOU???

I kept on wondering is there anything wrong? is it my problem? or yours? But what is that problem? What do you want from me? What do you want!!!!!!!!

Knowing that you are not used to surrender to someone,
nvm, i'll do it.
I lower down my voice, asking and begging you please don't angry with me.
But you just gave me "i'm really disappointed" look
saying that "i'm not interested to ask for that anymore, never, SERIOUSLY!"
Then what do you want???

You are breaking up my heart at the moment when these words came out from your mouth.
At the end, what i could do was just standing at the car park, watching you driving away.

I'm alone.

Again..


25-04-09 3:49am

Terrible creature

Human being are really the most terrible living creature in this world!

Why i said like that??
i have a friend, who worked as a purchasing executive in one of the famous companies in Sibu for quite a few years. I went out with him a few times, he was cute and was an easygoing person. One of his personalities that attracted me is he always think optimistically in everything. I started to find him quite often after this Chinese New Year as i noticed that it's quite comfortable to talk to him. He gave me a lots of advices and opinions when i was loss in my studies, relationship and my future. I thought he could be a good friend for me.......

Only until last night.

He lied to me...I was very dissapointed towards him! Seriously!
It doesn't matter if you can't help me, but why are u lying to me??
Or is it you think i'm so stupid till can't notice ur lie??
What is your motive?

U are just making me feel sick!

CHilled....

I don't want to meet this kinda people anymore...Pls...not anymore

Sleepy and lazy morning

I really don't have mood to study!! Feel sleepy and lazy. 10 chapters eh, haven't touch anything...But the format are in case studies and essays form, hopefully i can manage to answer it by using general knowledge tomorrow.

Switch to the exam last night, the questions were damn stupid! Asking the date of Medan case by giving the same date (is on 7 Mac, 2001) for all the 5 multiple choice's answers and just asked us to guess the day (Monday to Friday)! WTF ....Really stupid eh...can't stand for them la...What kinda exam is it? Is it really realiable to ask this kinda questions to test our knowledge?? Haiz****

After that stupid exam, i rested for a while then at 6.30pm i went to have sushi at sushi king with J, w2, y, w and s. We spent around RM150 for it. Don't think that it is expensive cause we really enjoyed the food there ^-^ Huhu~~Feel like wanna go again...

Maybe because i was too full last night, so can't managed to focus to read anything. But sharing something with him. He told me what was his feeling towards our relationship, what was in his mind about us...i really really had a great time to talk to him honestly and it's really comfortable to communicate like this-straightforward, honest and real. Can't denial that it is a very effective way to get to know each other deeply.

Should stop here. Really need to study lo~~
Gambate ping \(^0^)/

Photo shooting for yearbook by JonSoon

a look of cool and fierce

This is the one that has been selected to put in the yearbook magazine

I like this the most

1st day of the final exam

Am having Hubungan Etnik this afternoon. Well, think i have almost done all the chapters that will be tested. Hopefully won't forget it during the exam later.

Haiz...during this study week, my face pop up lots of pimples again lo...and all big big 1...Arghggg....hate it!

Trying to book the flight ticket this morning but the system was suck! Wasting my time....And the end they blocked my DOTCOM card!!! WTF...Really need to get a credit or debit card le, it's more convienence when it comes to online booking.

Need to get back to my study lo...

Sayurnara~~

Missing Night

Am so stress last night. Rushing for my FYP and worrying about my exam some more. Didn't sleep well last night cause worked until 4 am. I noticed that when i was stress, i'll start thinking if him. I always used to call him and complained and cried for everything... All this memories came to my mind last night. I wished i could reach him. I was thinking to call J, but knowing that he's is in a happy mood about his photographer thing. I don't want to bother him cause even though i call him and complain to him, it would change anything.

Luckily the line was quite good last night, so i managed to msn with A. Looking for some advices from him. Thanks A. And also Nic sms me last night. Even though he's just asking me something, but his message had made my mood better. Thanks. I don't know why we have to talk to others when we are stress or sad so that we can feel better...Is it human nature? or because i am a gal, more emotional?

My mood is like a roller coaster recently. sometimes it swings to very high, sometimes goes to very low. Same with my feeling towards him. Questioning myself without anwser-.-

Later on need to meet my supervisor at 3pm. Really really hope that she won't change the date and time anymore. Am really sick of it! Am tired to face her! Why don't you make everything clear?

I miss home. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my dogs. I miss my room. I miss Sibu.

It's not just a passing fancy

I felt great to talk to him. To share everything with him. Thought it would be difficult to make it, but look! i made it finally!

We shared our opinions about our future, about marriage, about our friends, about everything ^_^

He has brighten up my life and gave me hopes...a lot of hopes

Thank GOD for bringing him to me.

LOVE

Back from Damai Puri Resort & Spa, my heart was so warm and sweet. He managed to create a song and sang for me in the dinner. In front of my class mate and lecturers, even my dean!

He made me feel like i'm not alone anymore. Like there are nothing i have to be worry cause he's still there for me! Am really have a deep crush on him!

I'm afraid to face the reality that we are gonna separate soon. We are afraid to think of our future. Or is there any chance between us to become a real couple?

I really can't stand to loss u, Jon!
What should i do?

Playgal??

Am i a playgirl?

I thought only T said like that...But today, S told me that i gave people a kinda insecure feeling, especially for guys. He said that i was like will do the same thing to all the guys! Some kinda gal that won't reject guys! And will accept all the invitation from guys! And E also said that there is no one in this world can claimed that they really really understand me! Meaning to say, no body understand me! How ah??? What is my problem? Last few days J just letting me know that i made him felt insecure...1st i thought just people are bad outside, like to criticize others. But look at them, they were all my friends and they all saying the same thing!

I was so moody and upset le...am i?? That is my personality, what's wrong with that??

desire makes me miserable!

I felt awful when i heard that he said we were just friend and nothing else in front of his friend. This is the n times i cried because of him. Told myself don't be so weak but still cannot control myself. I know is not his fault cause i also said like that when people came and asked me about our relationship. But, do you know that this is not my real answer? Because i know that you don't want to have commitment with me. You don't want to take any responsibilities on it. So i respect you, am following on what you wish for. At the end...i'm the one suffering so much. Shouldn't blame him. Is all my fault. Spoilt him a lot. And i found that this is not what i want. This is not the way i want to follow. We are having different thinking and opinion on many things. I kept on following him, accepting what he wants and do according what he wants. Now i realized my problem. I thought i agreed with his opinion. But i was wrong. I like him. I love him. I wanna him to become my man. Am started to have desire on him. And the desire makes me miserable!

"i see myself loving you soon..."

I said i love him.
I messaged him saying that i love him.

i should have know the answer.
i should know.

But when he really said it out, it's hurt.
It's really really hurt.
Even though i said, "it's ok".
But it does not really ok.

How could i be so stupid to tell him?
what are you expecting from him?

Ping, you should learn from lots from previous incidents.
you can't control everything.
You can't make everyone likes you.

***************************************************

Let forget about this...
In a pig's eye will i ever do that again!