Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
office story
Was doing an illegal thing for my staff. It was wrong to help him. But i understand his feeling if he get rejected to have something that he wishes for i don't know how long he had dreamed. He says it is a need to have it.
Am i wrong in His view too?
His eyes was sparkling when he get that piece of paper and murmuring for wishing good luck.
He thanks me from the bottom of his heart.
Am i wrong in His view too?
His eyes was sparkling when he get that piece of paper and murmuring for wishing good luck.
He thanks me from the bottom of his heart.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
很酸的心
心很酸。不是妒忌或是羡慕。
心里有很多的愁烦，尤其是对即将来临的未知数感到很彷徨，似乎没了免疫力，魔鬼一直在攻击我。有时会想得通，知道说没有什么是难得倒祂的女儿的，有时就信心很软弱的怀疑。造成自己心慌意乱，加上面对每天日常生活的困境时就会觉得自己很无助，很孤单。很想找个人述说，不过害怕自己会依赖上别人。
朋友问：你会累吗？
我倒是不会累，可是信心软弱时就会有这个念头。
这又是一关神考验我信心的关卡。自己很清楚的明白这一点。
心里有很多的愁烦，尤其是对即将来临的未知数感到很彷徨，似乎没了免疫力，魔鬼一直在攻击我。有时会想得通，知道说没有什么是难得倒祂的女儿的，有时就信心很软弱的怀疑。造成自己心慌意乱，加上面对每天日常生活的困境时就会觉得自己很无助，很孤单。很想找个人述说，不过害怕自己会依赖上别人。
朋友问：你会累吗？
我倒是不会累，可是信心软弱时就会有这个念头。
这又是一关神考验我信心的关卡。自己很清楚的明白这一点。
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Random
Have been pampering myself to be active in the facebook recently.
But now, seeing his appearance making me discompose.
I hate that feeling.
But now, seeing his appearance making me discompose.
I hate that feeling.
Monday, December 27, 2010
come and go
People came in and out from my life everyday. Something that i couldn't control. No matter how much i wanna keep them with me for the rest of my life, still i have to let go. Friends, colleagues, lovers. Luckily i still have all my family with me. I was in the dilemma wondering why we have to cope with this kinda complicated feeling? I am afraid, am afraid i couldn't cope with if something happen in my life that would totally changed me, again.
I'm gratify that everytime when my soul is full with trouble, when i think of Him, i found peace. Even thought it sometimes last short, but at least i know i'm still learning "Faith".
I read a book recently, it says that human being are so suffer living in this world because they have wisdom, to differentiate what is worth for and what is not, what would benefit us and what wouldn't. Cause we calculate everything that we've done, cause we are clever enough to calculate. At times, too much wisdom will make us complicated. So ironically, people nowadays studies and get experiences for wisdom. Even me, too, always pray for giving wisdom. Do we really know what kinda wisdom that we want? For fulfilling this sinful world or for Godly world?
I'm gratify that everytime when my soul is full with trouble, when i think of Him, i found peace. Even thought it sometimes last short, but at least i know i'm still learning "Faith".
I read a book recently, it says that human being are so suffer living in this world because they have wisdom, to differentiate what is worth for and what is not, what would benefit us and what wouldn't. Cause we calculate everything that we've done, cause we are clever enough to calculate. At times, too much wisdom will make us complicated. So ironically, people nowadays studies and get experiences for wisdom. Even me, too, always pray for giving wisdom. Do we really know what kinda wisdom that we want? For fulfilling this sinful world or for Godly world?
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Random
I accidentally saw he appeared in my facebook.
I don't have the intention to view him.
But it made my heart shake.
A lot more better than previous.
Thank you Lord for the leading!
I don't have the intention to view him.
But it made my heart shake.
A lot more better than previous.
Thank you Lord for the leading!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas day
Today is Christmas Day. I had done nothing special. The only thing that i appreciate most is i managed to control my bad temper when my mom asking me to help her. Thank God that i could cool down myself at the corner of the stair. So getting our selves alone when we were angry is good. It prevents making any rush decision to say any harsh words that would regret you forever.
And tonight's "Best Christmas" at Xin Fu Yuan was really eyes catching. But like what my brother said, when the show is too perfect, it will hide the real genuine messages. People will see themselves are good enough. How good they are in playing their role character on the show, but not on their real life. It is something that give us a big impact at one time but last only a short period of time. Like a beautiful firework, it is nice looking but it won't last long and it would never.
This is my best Christmas Day. With no partying. Only peace.
Happy birthday Jesus! Thank you for your birth. It gives us salvation.
And tonight's "Best Christmas" at Xin Fu Yuan was really eyes catching. But like what my brother said, when the show is too perfect, it will hide the real genuine messages. People will see themselves are good enough. How good they are in playing their role character on the show, but not on their real life. It is something that give us a big impact at one time but last only a short period of time. Like a beautiful firework, it is nice looking but it won't last long and it would never.
This is my best Christmas Day. With no partying. Only peace.
Happy birthday Jesus! Thank you for your birth. It gives us salvation.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Life is ?
Life is tough. But life is wonderful isn't it? So why do we always keep the bad things and make us suffer? Why don't live our live peacefully and happily until the day we back to His home?
BUT actions always speak louder than words. So no matter how good i'm in telling myself how to live life, i'm still facing a lot of difficulties. Things that dismayed me, things that make me losing hopes. Things that annoying me....and countless worries.
When i was a kid, i wished i could grow up fast. When i was in University, i wished i could finish all the studies and graduated. When i started working, i wished i could go back to study. When i faced troubles, i wished i could turn back to become kid again. So, human's life is forward and backward cycle is it?
No words for me today. Keep moving with faith then.
BUT actions always speak louder than words. So no matter how good i'm in telling myself how to live life, i'm still facing a lot of difficulties. Things that dismayed me, things that make me losing hopes. Things that annoying me....and countless worries.
When i was a kid, i wished i could grow up fast. When i was in University, i wished i could finish all the studies and graduated. When i started working, i wished i could go back to study. When i faced troubles, i wished i could turn back to become kid again. So, human's life is forward and backward cycle is it?
No words for me today. Keep moving with faith then.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
"vacation"
People asking me with doubt, " what did you guys do at the mission?" Then i was so happy wanna share with ya. She then said, " Oh~i looked at the photos at facebook, like you guys going there for vacation tim, if you didn't say it's for mission".
I don't care how you see us. We know what we have went through and what have we done. Pointless to hear you judgment. So, this is it, back to my world, this is kinda people that i need to cope with. This is them too making me so wanna go for mission.
I don't care how you see us. We know what we have went through and what have we done. Pointless to hear you judgment. So, this is it, back to my world, this is kinda people that i need to cope with. This is them too making me so wanna go for mission.
My bust
My bust is getting smaller and smaller la! How come??
I did not purposely on diet.
Just losing some weight last few months, and never gain back.
Today am wearing a dress which fit me exactly on my bust before
but this time, the dress looks too big for me.
Sunday school kids told me"cikgu semakin kurung la".......
Got meh? Or is it just my hairstyle that make my face look sharp?
So now need to gain weight or what?
Or maybe lack of exercise cause i did not do any exercises for these lately 2 months.
Possible?
Too skinny is not good la, not sexy anymore!
I did not purposely on diet.
Just losing some weight last few months, and never gain back.
Today am wearing a dress which fit me exactly on my bust before
but this time, the dress looks too big for me.
Sunday school kids told me"cikgu semakin kurung la".......
Got meh? Or is it just my hairstyle that make my face look sharp?
So now need to gain weight or what?
Or maybe lack of exercise cause i did not do any exercises for these lately 2 months.
Possible?
Too skinny is not good la, not sexy anymore!
Monday, December 20, 2010
泰北短宣回忆录-Dec 2010
第一次有想要把心得给记录下来，就这一次的短宣。
这是我第四次短宣，也是第三次海外短宣。年头就有念头要去这个短宣，一直到年中时，有些动摇。甚至有打算打消这个短宣念头，因为打算把年假留起来去旅行。之后在八月经历了一些打击，更加没信心去得了这个短宣。当时对想去短宣的目的非常不正确，是一种逃避。是久违的一位弟兄和我说，“你去，去了，你的目的就会对了。”牧师也是这么对我说，她也说那将会在我人生历练上有很大的帮助。所以最后我打定主意一定要去这个短宣。
决定了之后，难题却一一的显现阻碍。
经费-有些压力。牧师一直和我说有困难可以开口。对于SMC的津贴我不愿意接受，因为每年它都得津贴给学生，是非常有限的。就在这时祷告见效了。我堂会青团愿意津贴一些费用，减轻了我的负担。
贡献-得在有限的交流下完成灵修材料。庆幸则耀没给我什么压力，给我自由发挥，也按时交上了我的份。至于医药部分，谢谢你们为我预备了所有的药物。其实上次去印尼短宣，看到Judith这个小护士非常尽责，我私底下偷偷对自己下了个决心，如果有机会再给我医药组，一定要做好它，以Judith为榜样！我个人觉得我从第一次去印尼（医药组）到这一次短宣，我有发觉到自己有进步，我很开心叻。不过还不是最好，希望下次有机会还可以再好！
写心得-不知道写什么。最后几天了，小雯托永顺提醒我交稿。当时的我因为得赶完手头工作上的一些工及交代一些工作事项，及教会的一些事项，所以还蛮匆忙下才赶出我的见证篇。其实有好多好多故事写的，就临时想不到要写哪个。我想我还是用嘴巴分享比较实在。
健康-生病了。出发前两天既然发烧，我妈还说不用去了这个短宣。吓到我一直打讯息到处要朋友们为我祷告，让我快快好起来。出发当天下午还是在发烧，不敢和妈讲，偷偷吃药。登机前一直和她拍胸担保自己完全康复了。感谢大家的祷告，出发后就没再发烧了。在冰冷的机场石膏下睡觉还相安无事。
彼此配搭-出发前是零配搭，因为完全没参上一脚。一直祷告，求神赐下自己有颗很flexible的心，而且出发前还再三嘱咐自己，要收敛脾气，要好气好声的与团员们有好配搭，因为自己是最后参与的，所以，要顺从。
当我一与团队们会面后，一切的顾虑都是多余的。几乎是一拍即合！唯一有问题的是我老是记不住大家的名字，尤其是那些Junior们，好像给他们complain了好多次因为记不住他们的名字。Junior们：现在我终于记住了，这下想要我忘记还难呢！
感谢各位的耐心及神的恩赐，我在有限的时间学会了一支唱游，一首诗歌的献唱，以及与友梁搭档主持。谢谢友梁及大家对我的信心，觉得你们胆都很大，没配搭过愿意冒这个险。
这个短宣里，我最享受过程。好的不好的，舒服的不舒服的，好吃的不好吃的，冷得跳起来的冰水，以及所有种种的，只要有你们在的，我都很享受。大家的同心，是我学习的榜样。禁止自己的嘴唇，说造就人的话，不说破坏人的话。
牧师，感谢你一路的带领及劝导。回来家乡这么久，有什么大事，我会找的还是你，因为你让我很信任，你的榜样：没有架子，与我们都是同等的对待，愿意与我们一起去短宣，我们经历到什么苦，你一样也经历到。我们吃啥，你就跟着我们吃啥，从来没有因为你是牧师，就和我们不一样，你的亲历亲为就是一个见证。虽然你母亲生病了，可是你都没有把愁烦写在脸上，反而笑嘻嘻的对着我们，还为着我们的合一同心忧心。在你身上学习信心。谢谢你，你的担忧，主都明了，祂会预备的。也謝謝你在我最低潮時，為我禱告，讓我能剖開一切坦然面對自己的懼怕。謝謝你，所以我來了這個短宣。
则耀，原来你怕痒。有时也会开很爆笑的玩笑。哈哈。很优雅的一位男士。开始的路途上你都很看顾你的教会同伴，小婷。而且你还托我们要关心我们身边信心有冷淡的朋友。我会的。路途上你随时都会守护着牧师，所以我才能自由自在的去逛我的街。很钦佩你灵修带得很好，是一位一直在灵命上不断更新的弟兄。在教导方面很有负担的你，希望你能听得到神的呼唤，预备好心为神发光。听到你说要修master,为你有你的目标感到欣慰，希望一切的一切最后的目的都是蒙神喜悦的！
小婷，还没热起来的你就是个文文静静。热起来原来是很来劲的！你说话很温柔，我要和你学习。对于教导方面，你有好多稀奇有趣的传福音的方法，连我们都被吸引，更何况是小孩们。你也很愿意与我们配搭，不应你刚加入而与我们有距离。而且你还主动问我们有什么可以帮到忙的。你的分享提醒我不要掉入魔鬼的陷阱，不要轻易动怒，要原谅冒犯我们的人。就学习忍耐。也很欣赏你的独立。
四角，觉得你越来越温柔呃。很早很早以前会觉得你很难以亲近，几次短宣后，发现你的美。還有你主動在機場牽我的手讓我很感動，驅走我對大家的陌生感。你很感性，还没结束的那几天，你就怪怪的。知道你很舍不得，没想到后来你哭了。Junior们，四角很疼你们的叻! 看到你有顺服的心，也有学习到flexible，临时说要你分享，二话不说就去预备你的见证。还有你很坦诚，会和我分享“男人观”，好有趣哦。还有谢谢你做我的postwoman及特別買了喉糖給我止痛。这是我们第二次一起短宣，我们一起制造下次吧！加油。还有你要吃多点。
Danny， 很认真的一位女孩。不管是我们的衣食，你都会为我们预备。很有带头的样式。对小孩也很有一套，把他们制的服服帖帖的。当junior们玩那些又气有好笑的游戏时，你玩的好不亦乐乎，也不会生气，真的好脾气。而且你的亲和力也感染了大家。真的是能认真时认真，该放松时完全放松。还有，你切鸡肉真的很利落，相信你对厨艺一定有两把刷子！谢谢你在大谷地帮忙预备晚餐。和伟利的对舞也很可爱啊！
如晶，称呼阿姨是因为比较亲切，没别的意思。毕竟那是我们上次短宣之后留下的外号。还是一样，你那逗趣的小手常常能做出让我觉得很开心的动作。嘻嘻。。其实是自己笑点低啦。和junior们也能打成一片。路途上没有很多交流，因为我一直都往juniors堆挤.那天在大谷地，谢谢你那么卖力的用叉插三层肉！
Esther, 谢谢你每次都会重复提醒我们一些重要事项。而且和其他seniors一样，都很合一顺服，与大家也能混的很开心。离开那天也很感性的眼红红的。预备好下次再一起去短宣吧！我也了解在私人界工作了要请假去短宣是非常不容易。所以要坚持自己的信心。如果能做的成老师当然好。神造万物个按其时，耐心等待必欢呼收割！
Sam,看到你在灵命上有一颗求上进的心，很为你感到开心。谢谢你，是我小天使吧！豆奶好好喝哦！在分享上，在告知你我的经验当下，其实也再次提醒我，自己永远是神最特别，最宝贝的女儿！你也一样。 传扬福音，就从身边的朋友们开始练习吧！永远没有太迟这个词的！下次就有信心与陌生人讲主的故事了！
微心，你的名字很甜。牧师有偷偷对我说，你与我们疯成一团，不晓得你爸会怪我们教坏你吗？我倒觉得你爸应该懂你的本性就是这样的吧！哈哈。真的很活泼呃你！很爱拍搞怪的照片。开场舞跳的很“活”。与我们也会自动搭肩，还主动要求要我抱你转圈圈，真的和我很对味！希望你这第一次的短宣体验可以开拓你去参与更多的短宣，让你一辈子爱上短宣，那，我就有伴了！
小雯，你真的很贤淑，是那种我是男的会想把你娶回家！看到你对大家都是永远以别人的需要为第一让我觉得很惭愧。谢谢你的不计较，让我看到自己的不足。神给你的种种磨练似乎就是一份伪装的祝福，剥下了苦难，还有层层的恩典与祝福的。你分享说你不能唱歌，可是你还是站起来与我们一起唱诗歌，你的坚持我会时刻提醒自己。同样的我看到你的自信。我观察很奇怪的哦，我看到你每晚在要去逛街时都会穿的美美的，我本来要随便随便拿那些已经穿过的衣服，想说那些还没穿的就不用穿了，回家也不用洗那么多。你的心思鼓舞我要不枉此生，能有机会就有随时预备好。所以我真的因为你而多花点心思在打扮上哦！（虽然我没有打扮很美，不过比原先的好很多了）所以你很厉害呃，能影响我呃！我觉得如果在各方面我们都能随时这样预备好自己，相信没什么能被难倒的。
晓韵，谢谢你时时给予我正面的赞美。不过我不是靠我自己的哦，所以要记得谁才是真正厉害的！短剧演的很逼真，以为你真的哭了。摔了那么多次你都一声不吭不喊痛。 凡事你都以不麻烦别人为先，很体贴。即将迈入社会大学的你可别慌忙先，先祷告，要有信心神会预备最好的给你的。要知道神的应许就像夜里的星星，夜越深，星星的光芒越亮。越艰难，对神的信心就要更坚固！
杰成，有颗很善良纯朴的心。谦卑面对牧师的称赞。当我们在练诗班时，如果我们拖拖拉拉，他会很紧张，可是说话的语气又会很宛转，对我们都是以柔治理。而且会有耐心的教我及微心弹吉它。可是终究我还是学不会一整首歌。哈哈。相信独立的你将会是很好的一位领导者。会用自己的杯去斟酌别人的，了解别人的需要。继续加油！给你个大惊喜！我就是你的可爱天使了！
Kelvin，很有信心的一个男孩。不过面对女生们有些些腼腆。我倒觉得那是件好事，不然你就无法无天啦！唱歌很有天分，相信你也很喜欢唱歌吧！随路都能哼哼唱唱。很适合台前的表演，表演欲也很强，脸皮不会很薄。对圣经也颇有兴趣，记得有晚你灵修了圣经，窝在睡袋问杰成圣经里一些蛮古怪新奇的问题，头脑很灵活。很有明显恩赐的男孩。就因为你古灵精怪，而且喜欢小孩，所以学生们都很喜欢你。希望你灵命上的成长不因个个优秀的恩赐给阻拦住，继续的更新已有的。有天你会发现以前所读所了解的经文，在未来的某天会有不一样的见解的。一个没有需要的人永远见不到神迹的。
伟利，很大人样的一个男生，很爱皱眉头装酷，好像一副脑袋装满忧愁的样子，不过看出来是装的。哈哈。先拆台了。其实一路就蛮喜欢粘住你，很舒服，因为没有很多话。去逛夜市时会帮我背书包保管里头的财务。有好东西吃会大家你一口，我一口的分享。Eddie生病了会特意买香椰给他解暑。带领敬拜赞美很棒，咬字清晰，声音又安抚，唱歌很好听。对付小孩也蛮有一套的。在分享时，很坦白的说出自己曾有的弱点来让大家有很大的得着与收获。搭档教课发现他在该认真时，还蛮认真。会分轻重。
祈毅，笑的很可爱。开始以为你是斯文型的，不会扛扛抬抬，我错了。圣诞布道前一晚很努力的帮忙搬运（当然，其他男生也是非常用心努力的），而且还是满脸的笑容。 舞也跳的很活泼。还有很会讲冷笑话把大家玩得团团转。配合度也很高。別人看你是什麼那是他們的事，最重要你要知道你要活出怎樣的人生。世界的种种花花碌碌的，常常使我们忘记生命的价值是什么，希望你的人生道路上都愿意由祂引领。下次多预备些新的冷笑话，不然会很快被拆台的。
耀杰，有要求的一位男生。做事很認真。謝謝你願意與我分享你的感覺。也讓我有機會和你們分享我的故事。世上所有的事物我們都不能完全的掌權的。知曉這一點，希望能把自己人生的優先次序給排對。這也是祂給我們的應許。如果凡是以祂為先，我們不管遇到任何艱難時都會明了，我們在祂裡還是有希望。當所有人都離開你，還有祂永遠在你身旁的。
Eddie,哇!比伟利更大人樣的一位弟兄。很疼愛小孩。看到你抱住小孩的畫面很溫馨。注意到你都是默默的做幕後的事工，扛抬的事你都很自動自發的去幫忙，謝謝你的付出。我們看不到的，神都看到的。在大谷地，你會很貼心的每每在吃飯的時候特別預備位子在你和偉利之間，說我愛黏住你們，真聰明。沒參與你們帶領兒童靈修（還有其他同工），不過從遠處都會聽得到小孩很開心的笑聲。我坐在一旁樹下真的覺得很平安，很安穩，很溫馨。希望你的心能繼續火熱在你的事奉上。
德顺，你越來越進步。或許是因為你有上台講道，所以一路上發覺你似乎都很緊繃，或許是緊張吧。你很棒，你知道嗎？要站在台上說那麼多的道是需要多麼多的勇氣及預備，而你做到了。而且雖然你緊張，可是事前你還是願意幫忙，完全沒有一副“不要騷擾我”的樣子。所以我偷偷送了張經節給你，是希望它真的有鼓勵到你。那句經節其實也是你在前一晚靈修好後突然在我面前念給我聽的。相信那是給你很大啟發的經節吧。繼續加油。當神給你開了條道路，祂，一定會預備所有一切給你的。憑信心往前走吧！
征毅，慘了，對你的印象就是在吃steamboat那個肥“妞”對你的那一幕。哈哈。開完笑，別動怒。完了這個短宣，看了你拍的照片發現你這個攝影師真的做的很好。你的照片就好像我們的圖片日記！可以從頭說到尾所發生的點點滴滴。謝謝你補捉了那麼多寶貴的畫面。而且犧牲了你拿著那麼重的相機，都在拍別人。
成宝，很愛拍照。幾乎相機在哪兒，你有看到的，你都會跑進鏡頭的！沒記錯（上次短宣）其實你唱歌很好聽的.沒有和你有很多交流到，就覺的你很有趣。一路上有你，不寂寞！繼續加油啊！下次再一起來短宣！
友梁，第一次與你搭檔。謝謝你給我自由發揮。很看重緊張每個環節，從你身上學習到認真。雖然我們主持對話不多，可是你都會一一確保我們都有萬全的預備。看到你會一直關心我，確保我真的能夠安排好一切，你才放心預備你的部分。感覺到我後面會有你撐著。謝謝!
林贵，喜歡你的單刀直入。做事不拖泥帶水。辛苦你在事前的所有安排的工作，包括訂機票，聯絡我們seniors，確保我們不遺漏任何重要的事。魔鬼也演的出神入畫。上次演耶穌也是有模有樣，真的是放的很開。說話也很幽默。有堅定的屬靈生命。社會生涯上希望你能用你有的樣式去帶領，影響別人。為主做的工，絕不會落空的。
勤平，很有紀律。大家都很信的過你，尤其是要早起這回事。那個演耶穌拔河演的好好哦。我有偷偷模仿呃！還有理財方面，謝謝你讓我們都不必煩惱與我們的短宣的開銷，都會把帳清的明明白白的。下次可以帶你妹一起來短宣哦!
永顺,洗衣洗得很乾淨。這次也發現你比較穩重了。教書時還給我引起轟動，真的是哭笑不得。在我喉嚨痛時，給我喉糖，謝謝你的照顧。好好把握在大學的時間，繼續的加添靈命上的成長。出了社會可沒有那麼多機會像你們這樣的無憂無慮（至少有很多同心的夥伴）的去事奉神。
越寫越像是在寫感言給你們而已。不過相信你們都愛看吧。偉利及Kelvin都已經留言要我慢慢寫，寫多多給他們看。
这短宣我个人有得到很多的收获。它坚定了我动摇的信心，发觉其实神从来没离开过我，是我自己曾经埋怨祂，远离祂。每一次的短宣都会拉近神與我的關係。这也是我很喜欢短宣的最重要原因。就像我之前写的为什么要去短宣，它会让我学习放下自己的需要，去关心别人。会把自己看为微小，然后去服侍别人，而且是很喜乐很开心的。更出乎意料外的是认识了这么多的junior，更没想到他们既然能带给我那么多的欢愉。和junior们也分享了自己从来没与多少人分享的个人见证。我想这验证了锦仪及明良哥哥之前的安慰，说我可以以自己的见证去帮助别人。
而走了圈难民圈，真的见识到自己的充裕及他们的贫缺。每每我遇到瓶颈时，我都会挖出短宣的片段记忆来鼓励自己，自己还不是到苦无尽头的时候。这也是我如何保持一颗充满盼望的心，坚定的走过种种的打击及苦楚，心会痛可是我不苦，因为有祂。
短宣也结束了两个礼拜，一切归回原状。但是心还是常常惦记着。
总而言之，你们每一位在短宣里都有各自扮演的重要角色，少一人都不能有那么棒的回忆！我也相信我们还有机会再次踏上短宣行程的！
我爱你们！
如晶，称呼阿姨是因为比较亲切，没别的意思。毕竟那是我们上次短宣之后留下的外号。还是一样，你那逗趣的小手常常能做出让我觉得很开心的动作。嘻嘻。。其实是自己笑点低啦。和junior们也能打成一片。路途上没有很多交流，因为我一直都往juniors堆挤.那天在大谷地，
Esther, 谢谢你每次都会重复提醒我们一些重要事项。而且和其他seniors一样，都很合一顺服，与大家也能混的很开心。离开那天也很感性的眼红红的。预备好下次再一起去短宣吧！我也了解在私人界工作了要请假去短宣是非常不容易。所以要坚持自己的信心。如果能做的成老师当然好。神造万物个按其时，耐心等待必欢呼收割！
Sam,看到你在灵命上有一颗求上进的心，很为你感到开心。谢谢你，是我小天使吧！豆奶好好喝哦！在分享上，在告知你我的经验当下，其实也再次提醒我，自己永远是神最特别，最宝贝的女儿！你也一样。 传扬福音，就从身边的朋友们开始练习吧！永远没有太迟这个词的！下次就有信心与陌生人讲主的故事了！
微心，你的名字很甜。牧师有偷偷对我说，你与我们疯成一团，不晓得你爸会怪我们教坏你吗？我倒觉得你爸应该懂你的本性就是这样的吧！哈哈。真的很活泼呃你！很爱拍搞怪的照片。开场舞跳的很“活”。与我们也会自动搭肩，还主动要求要我抱你转圈圈，真的和我很对味！希望你这第一次的短宣体验可以开拓你去参与更多的短宣，让你一辈子爱上短宣，那，我就有伴了！
小雯，你真的很贤淑，是那种我是男的会想把你娶回家！看到你对大家都是永远以别人的需要为第一让我觉得很惭愧。谢谢你的不计较，让我看到自己的不足。神给你的种种磨练似乎就是一份伪装的祝福，剥下了苦难，还有层层的恩典与祝福的。你分享说你不能唱歌，可是你还是站起来与我们一起唱诗歌，你的坚持我会时刻提醒自己。同样的我看到你的自信。我观察很奇怪的哦，我看到你每晚在要去逛街时都会穿的美美的，我本来要随便随便拿那些已经穿过的衣服，想说那些还没穿的就不用穿了，回家也不用洗那么多。你的心思鼓舞我要不枉此生，能有机会就有随时预备好。所以我真的因为你而多花点心思在打扮上哦！（虽然我没有打扮很美，不过比原先的好很多了）所以你很厉害呃，能影响我呃！我觉得如果在各方面我们都能随时这样预备好自己，相信没什么能被难倒的。
晓韵，谢谢你时时给予我正面的赞美。不过我不是靠我自己的哦，所以要记得谁才是真正厉害的！短剧演的很逼真，以为你真的哭了。摔了那么多次你都一声不吭不喊痛。 凡事你都以不麻烦别人为先，很体贴。即将迈入社会大学的你可别慌忙先，先祷告，要有信心神会预备最好的给你的。要知道神的应许就像夜里的星星，夜越深，星星的光芒越亮。越艰难，对神的信心就要更坚固！
杰成，有颗很善良纯朴的心。谦卑面对牧师的称赞。当我们在练诗班时，如果我们拖拖拉拉，他会很紧张，可是说话的语气又会很宛转，对我们都是以柔治理。而且会有耐心的教我及微心弹吉它。可是终究我还是学不会一整首歌。哈哈。相信独立的你将会是很好的一位领导者。会用自己的杯去斟酌别人的，了解别人的需要。继续加油！给你个大惊喜！我就是你的可爱天使了！
Kelvin，很有信心的一个男孩。不过面对女生们有些些腼腆。我倒觉得那是件好事，不然你就无法无天啦！唱歌很有天分，相信你也很喜欢唱歌吧！随路都能哼哼唱唱。很适合台前的表演，表演欲也很强，脸皮不会很薄。对圣经也颇有兴趣，记得有晚你灵修了圣经，窝在睡袋问杰成圣经里一些蛮古怪新奇的问题，头脑很灵活。很有明显恩赐的男孩。就因为你古灵精怪，而且喜欢小孩，所以学生们都很喜欢你。希望你灵命上的成长不因个个优秀的恩赐给阻拦住，继续的更新已有的。有天你会发现以前所读所了解的经文，在未来的某天会有不一样的见解的。一个没有需要的人永远见不到神迹的。
伟利，很大人样的一个男生，很爱皱眉头装酷，好像一副脑袋装满忧愁的样子，不过看出来是装的。哈哈。先拆台了。其实一路就蛮喜欢粘住你，很舒服，因为没有很多话。去逛夜市时会帮我背书包保管里头的财务。有好东西吃会大家你一口，我一口的分享。Eddie生病了会特意买香椰给他解暑。带领敬拜赞美很棒，咬字清晰，声音又安抚，唱歌很好听。对付小孩也蛮有一套的。在分享时，很坦白的说出自己曾有的弱点来让大家有很大的得着与收获。搭档教课发现他在该认真时，还蛮认真。会分轻重。
祈毅，笑的很可爱。开始以为你是斯文型的，不会扛扛抬抬，我错了。圣诞布道前一晚很努力的帮忙搬运（当然，其他男生也是非常用心努力的），而且还是满脸的笑容。 舞也跳的很活泼。还有很会讲冷笑话把大家玩得团团转。配合度也很高。別人看你是什麼那是他們的事，最重要你要知道你要活出怎樣的人生。世界的种种花花碌碌的，常常使我们忘记生命的价值是什么，希望你的人生道路上都愿意由祂引领。
耀杰，有要求的一位男生。做事很認真。謝謝你願意與我分享你的感覺。也讓我有機會和你們分享我的故事。世上所有的事物我們都不能完全的掌權的。知曉這一點，希望能把自己人生的優先次序給排對。這也是祂給我們的應許。如果凡是以祂為先，我們不管遇到任何艱難時都會明了，我們在祂裡還是有希望。當所有人都離開你，還有祂永遠在你身旁的。
Eddie,哇!比伟利更大人樣的一位弟兄。很疼愛小孩。看到你抱住小孩的畫面很溫馨。注意到你都是默默的做幕後的事工，扛抬的事你都很自動自發的去幫忙，謝謝你的付出。我們看不到的，神都看到的。在大谷地，你會很貼心的每每在吃飯的時候特別預備位子在你和偉利之間，說我愛黏住你們，真聰明。沒參與你們帶領兒童靈修（還有其他同工），不過從遠處都會聽得到小孩很開心的笑聲。我坐在一旁樹下真的覺得很平安，很安穩，很溫馨。希望你的心能繼續火熱在你的事奉上。
德顺，你越來越進步。或許是因為你有上台講道，所以一路上發覺你似乎都很緊繃，或許是緊張吧。你很棒，你知道嗎？要站在台上說那麼多的道是需要多麼多的勇氣及預備，而你做到了。而且雖然你緊張，可是事前你還是願意幫忙，完全沒有一副“不要騷擾我”的樣子。所以我偷偷送了張經節給你，是希望它真的有鼓勵到你。那句經節其實也是你在前一晚靈修好後突然在我面前念給我聽的。相信那是給你很大啟發的經節吧。繼續加油。當神給你開了條道路，祂，一定會預備所有一切給你的。憑信心往前走吧！
征毅，慘了，對你的印象就是在吃steamboat
成宝，很愛拍照。幾乎相機在哪兒，你有看到的，你都會跑進鏡頭的！沒記錯（上次短宣）其實你唱歌很好聽的.沒有和你有很多交流到，就覺的你很有趣。一路上有你，不寂寞！繼續加油啊！下次再一起來短宣！
友梁，第一次與你搭檔。謝謝你給我自由發揮。很看重緊張每個環節，從你身上學習到認真。雖然我們主持對話不多，可是你都會一一確保我們都有萬全的預備。看到你會一直關心我，確保我真的能夠安排好一切，你才放心預備你的部分。感覺到我後面會有你撐著。謝謝!
林贵，喜歡你的單刀直入。做事不拖泥帶水。辛苦你在事前的所有安排的工作，包括訂機票，聯絡我們seniors，確保我們不遺漏任何重要的事。魔鬼也演的出神入畫。上次演耶穌也是有模有樣，真的是放的很開。說話也很幽默。有堅定的屬靈生命。社會生涯上希望你能用你有的樣式去帶領，影響別人。為主做的工，絕不會落空的。
勤平，很有紀律。大家都很信的過你，尤其是要早起這回事。那個演耶穌拔河演的好好哦。我有偷偷模仿呃！還有理財方面，謝謝你讓我們都不必煩惱與我們的短宣的開銷，都會把帳清的明明白白的。下次可以帶你妹一起來短宣哦!
永顺,洗衣洗得很乾淨。這次也發現你比較穩重了。教書時還給我引起轟動，真的是哭笑不得。在我喉嚨痛時，給我喉糖，謝謝你的照顧。好好把握在大學的時間，繼續的加添靈命上的成長。出了社會可沒有那麼多機會像你們這樣的無憂無慮（至少有很多同心的夥伴）的去事奉神。
越寫越像是在寫感言給你們而已。不過相信你們都愛看吧。偉利及Kelvin都已經留言要我慢慢寫，寫多多給他們看。
这短宣我个人有得到很多的收获。它坚定了我动摇的信心，发觉其实神从来没离开过我，是我自己曾经埋怨祂，远离祂。每一次的短宣都会拉近神與我的關係。这也是我很喜欢短宣的最重要原因。就像我之前写的为什么要去短宣，它会让我学习放下自己的需要，去关心别人。会把自己看为微小，然后去服侍别人，而且是很喜乐很开心的。更出乎意料外的是认识了这么多的junior，更没想到他们既然能带给我那么多的欢愉。和junior们也分享了自己从来没与多少人分享的个人见证。我想这验证了锦仪及明良哥哥之前的安慰，说我可以以自己的见证去帮助别人。
而走了圈难民圈，真的见识到自己的充裕及他们的贫缺。每每我遇到瓶颈时，我都会挖出短宣的片段记忆来鼓励自己，自己还不是到苦无尽头的时候。这也是我如何保持一颗充满盼望的心，坚定的走过种种的打击及苦楚，心会痛可是我不苦，因为有祂。
短宣也结束了两个礼拜，一切归回原状。但是心还是常常惦记着。
总而言之，你们每一位在短宣里都有各自扮演的重要角色，少一人都不能有那么棒的回忆！我也相信我们还有机会再次踏上短宣行程的！
我爱你们！
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Christmas present
Monday, December 13, 2010
Juniors
Just went back from Thailand mission. It was an awesome trip. I enjoyed so much in this mission. I think the main reason was there were a lot of male juniors in our team, making us feel like so relax and enjoyable. They carried all the heavy jobs, like carried our languages and built stage. And they were all gentlemen enough to accompany all the ladies to shop at malls and night market. My partner, Mr Sim took me walked around night market for 2 nights, and he carried my bag and accompany for the whole journey. It was sweet though. And Mr Eddie, who were my church's friend's brother, he never felt dislike to take food that i left. It was so fun to finish all the food along the way! Mr Kee Yi was the one having funny type of laughing posture. His face showed smile always even though he didn't smile. And he tells good story (actually all were lame jokes), but we did love it. Mr kelvin could sing and dance very well. He has a pair of sexy lips and cute dimple on his face.
I'm so eager to meet with them again for the next trip. They all really mesmerized me! Luckily i haven't discover their talents part, cause i know some of them can sing well and play instruments well , which i could not stand for. Am afraid am gonna have crush on you guys!!!!
I love you all!
I'm so eager to meet with them again for the next trip. They all really mesmerized me! Luckily i haven't discover their talents part, cause i know some of them can sing well and play instruments well , which i could not stand for. Am afraid am gonna have crush on you guys!!!!
I love you all!
Monday, November 29, 2010
生病
好久没生病了。前阵子一直很渴望生病的，偏偏细菌就不爱我。现在当我最不能生病时，它来骚扰我。 头昏脑涨的，很不是滋味。手下的工被逼停掉一些。也许是时候安排我的优先次序了，一直都把什么都栏上身，什么都不放心其他人的能力，是要我学习轻重吗？病了很想有人可以给我发牢骚，很想有人给我爱护，很想有人体贴的关怀。。。虽然我还没有很糟。没了主张要去西医还是中医。就好想睡觉，不要发烧的。
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Young lady
If it was raining outside, and you were the kid who barely afford to have an umbrella, then you have to run fast. Faster than any other out there.
A young lady came for an interview. She said she is now working with his father, selling fish. Sending those fishes to supermarket that we always shopped for. She has the bookkeeping qualification, but her previous working experiences did not make her getting more knowledge on account. She worked as clerk, doing all general works. Almost include all the HR, Admin & Account job. But she's just not capable to be independent in any of it. I asked her what did she expect from this company, she said just simply gave her a job. I feel sorry for her, for not be able to know what did she want. I'm having this situation too long time ago. I feel pity for her. She can deserve something better for herself. If she keeps running with a clear goal.
If you are not brave enough, no one else could do it for you.
A young lady came for an interview. She said she is now working with his father, selling fish. Sending those fishes to supermarket that we always shopped for. She has the bookkeeping qualification, but her previous working experiences did not make her getting more knowledge on account. She worked as clerk, doing all general works. Almost include all the HR, Admin & Account job. But she's just not capable to be independent in any of it. I asked her what did she expect from this company, she said just simply gave her a job. I feel sorry for her, for not be able to know what did she want. I'm having this situation too long time ago. I feel pity for her. She can deserve something better for herself. If she keeps running with a clear goal.
If you are not brave enough, no one else could do it for you.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Lion city
"Singapore is hopeless."
I started to wonder what my life would be in Singapore, for 2 years. Am i gonna survive at there for such a short period? Am i able to sacrifice so much to work out for my goal? Am i still able to cope with stress in other country with no family and close friends?
life is so unpredictable.
I started to wonder what my life would be in Singapore, for 2 years. Am i gonna survive at there for such a short period? Am i able to sacrifice so much to work out for my goal? Am i still able to cope with stress in other country with no family and close friends?
life is so unpredictable.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Broken family or unhealthy family
My mom cried in front of me, complaining about how my dad looked down on my brother. Blaming her for spoiling him. I listened to her rationally. I did not cry. She complained that who should she talk to when i am not longer at home. My heart shakes. My dad scolded each of everyone of us like we were not his children. The phrase "broken family" appeared in my mind tonight. Was i from a broken family? I don't think it counts as broken family. Unhealthy family would be more suitable.
I saved a draft long long time ago at here. It was about how i felt towards my dad. Obviously it was all about his bad things. I think i survive pretty good in my family. I'm good in my exams, i successfully went to University and graduated. Though i did not manage to have a high pay now, but at least, i'm not his buah mulut to scold for. Not as frequent as my brother. My brother was not so good in his study. so do my sister. And my dad has the tendency to think that those who score well is the one that can make him proud. Which he never showed to us. Or he never thought that we have anything for him to proud for. I always told my mom, i was used to it. I lie. I know no matter how good i am in lying, i couldn't lie to myself. I'll never use to it. As long as i'm alive, i woud not be able to use to it. Because he is my dad. So i changed mine. I try to be the person that he wants, or at least not to make him angry. In the other word, spoilt him.
But i can't stand the way he treats my mom. To make my mom cries. That would make me think of every guy is as bad as him. I was train to be strong and independent because of them. I don't want to make my mom disappointed, i grew strong. I was cool because i hate guy. I hate my dad. I hate him for making my mom suffered from depression. When i was in primary, i told my mom, i had dad but i felt like i don't have. This hatred last for very long. Stanley was the 1st person that cure my wound. I was suspecting myself lacking of father's love cause i'm falling in love with someone 8 yrs older than me. But Jon proved me wrong.
Now i have rearrange my feeling. I know he loves me. But just the way he expressed himself is a bit odd. Sometimes too over. One thing remain the same, he has bad temper. I always told myself, only until i can totally bear his bad temper than is time for me to become someone's wife. I still complain about him , but this time i'll find way and time to talk with him. To let him know that he shouldn't treat us like that. I can imagine how serious the situation when he get old. The 1 who suffer most would be him.
For me, my mom is an angel. Though she don't look like or act like or sound like. But she's the perfect wife. Perfect model as a mom. I love you mom. The way i proved to you is reflected on the way i treat myself.
I know there is something for us to learn. Take heart.
I saved a draft long long time ago at here. It was about how i felt towards my dad. Obviously it was all about his bad things. I think i survive pretty good in my family. I'm good in my exams, i successfully went to University and graduated. Though i did not manage to have a high pay now, but at least, i'm not his buah mulut to scold for. Not as frequent as my brother. My brother was not so good in his study. so do my sister. And my dad has the tendency to think that those who score well is the one that can make him proud. Which he never showed to us. Or he never thought that we have anything for him to proud for. I always told my mom, i was used to it. I lie. I know no matter how good i am in lying, i couldn't lie to myself. I'll never use to it. As long as i'm alive, i woud not be able to use to it. Because he is my dad. So i changed mine. I try to be the person that he wants, or at least not to make him angry. In the other word, spoilt him.
But i can't stand the way he treats my mom. To make my mom cries. That would make me think of every guy is as bad as him. I was train to be strong and independent because of them. I don't want to make my mom disappointed, i grew strong. I was cool because i hate guy. I hate my dad. I hate him for making my mom suffered from depression. When i was in primary, i told my mom, i had dad but i felt like i don't have. This hatred last for very long. Stanley was the 1st person that cure my wound. I was suspecting myself lacking of father's love cause i'm falling in love with someone 8 yrs older than me. But Jon proved me wrong.
Now i have rearrange my feeling. I know he loves me. But just the way he expressed himself is a bit odd. Sometimes too over. One thing remain the same, he has bad temper. I always told myself, only until i can totally bear his bad temper than is time for me to become someone's wife. I still complain about him , but this time i'll find way and time to talk with him. To let him know that he shouldn't treat us like that. I can imagine how serious the situation when he get old. The 1 who suffer most would be him.
For me, my mom is an angel. Though she don't look like or act like or sound like. But she's the perfect wife. Perfect model as a mom. I love you mom. The way i proved to you is reflected on the way i treat myself.
I know there is something for us to learn. Take heart.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Death
As a human being, death is the only thing that dread people away.
Friday, November 12, 2010
TS
Strongly feel that TS would ruin my future.
It makes me wonder.
Doubting about my ability.
They are good friend with irresponsible and enhance laziness.
As HR, i should take action instead of talking bad about them.
But I just lost the enthusiasm to work with them.
Wonder where would they bring us heading to...
It makes me wonder.
Doubting about my ability.
They are good friend with irresponsible and enhance laziness.
As HR, i should take action instead of talking bad about them.
But I just lost the enthusiasm to work with them.
Wonder where would they bring us heading to...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Ah BAi
My dog, he is sick.
I wish i can do something for him.
I wish i can do a lot of things for them.
I wish i can save him.
I wish he can understand my language.
I wish everything will gonna be fine.
I wish i can do something for him.
I wish i can do a lot of things for them.
I wish i can save him.
I wish he can understand my language.
I wish everything will gonna be fine.
我说不出的心情
我能力范围能做的真的太狭窄了。
今天发现鱼缸里浮起了很多鱼，有的还在拼命开关腮，似乎很痛苦的挣扎着，心里很沉重。
自己的无能使自己很烦躁。觉得很亏欠这些鱼，既然把它们集体给养死了。换个水而已就把它们搞成这样。。生命真的很脆弱。
下班回来马上把鱼儿全都移出鱼缸放到面盆里。用水管把鱼缸的水给抽出，看着那些在努力做垂死挣扎的鱼，虽然心有众多的不舍与心痛，我还是硬着心肠把它们抽出鱼缸。当我把胶管靠近那些鱼时，它们还拼命的要挣扎远离被抽出，心里很揪，硬着心，咬牙把胶管往它们身上移。心是痛吗？还是不舍？还是其他感觉，我说不上来。就很不舒服。算来也有被我吸出四五只还没完全死的。当时心想给它们长痛不如短痛。
突然间有个想法，或许它们还有救呢？就像之前在我办公室房间跳出鱼缸的鱼，虽然已经发黑了，放回鱼缸时，也已经是往下沉了，可是不久之后，它还是活过来。那次也是搞到我非常内疚。每每都不再敢把水填太满。
结果我就把鱼儿分了两盘放，一盘是还是活泼乱跳的鱼，一盘是不对劲的鱼儿，游姿都不协调的，撒了些anti chlorine 的药水及一些盐在盆里。完事后，觉得好累好累，也已经三点了，午饭还没吃，很爱睡。赶快扒了些饭就去睡觉。不到半个钟就醒过来了。应该是心里那股不舒服还没散去，不能入眠。
看一看盆里，不对劲的鱼儿开始游姿正常了，而且不晓得那只既然产下鱼宝宝！我告诉我自己，我花了整个下午打捞，清理的工作是值得的。如果我没留下它们，它们或许连活命的机会都没了。就是那一念之差而已。我告诉自己，真的不要做让自己后悔的事，宁愿牺牲自己，也不要放弃那一点点的机会。
傍晚弟回来帮忙把鱼都放回鱼缸（之前因为我不懂换水的细节所以要等我弟放工回来），希望鱼儿都能健康长大，不要再枉死了。
今天发现鱼缸里浮起了很多鱼，有的还在拼命开关腮，似乎很痛苦的挣扎着，心里很沉重。
自己的无能使自己很烦躁。觉得很亏欠这些鱼，既然把它们集体给养死了。换个水而已就把它们搞成这样。。生命真的很脆弱。
下班回来马上把鱼儿全都移出鱼缸放到面盆里。用水管把鱼缸的水给抽出，看着那些在努力做垂死挣扎的鱼，虽然心有众多的不舍与心痛，我还是硬着心肠把它们抽出鱼缸。当我把胶管靠近那些鱼时，它们还拼命的要挣扎远离被抽出，心里很揪，硬着心，咬牙把胶管往它们身上移。心是痛吗？还是不舍？还是其他感觉，我说不上来。就很不舒服。算来也有被我吸出四五只还没完全死的。当时心想给它们长痛不如短痛。
突然间有个想法，或许它们还有救呢？就像之前在我办公室房间跳出鱼缸的鱼，虽然已经发黑了，放回鱼缸时，也已经是往下沉了，可是不久之后，它还是活过来。那次也是搞到我非常内疚。每每都不再敢把水填太满。
结果我就把鱼儿分了两盘放，一盘是还是活泼乱跳的鱼，一盘是不对劲的鱼儿，游姿都不协调的，撒了些anti chlorine 的药水及一些盐在盆里。完事后，觉得好累好累，也已经三点了，午饭还没吃，很爱睡。赶快扒了些饭就去睡觉。不到半个钟就醒过来了。应该是心里那股不舒服还没散去，不能入眠。
看一看盆里，不对劲的鱼儿开始游姿正常了，而且不晓得那只既然产下鱼宝宝！我告诉我自己，我花了整个下午打捞，清理的工作是值得的。如果我没留下它们，它们或许连活命的机会都没了。就是那一念之差而已。我告诉自己，真的不要做让自己后悔的事，宁愿牺牲自己，也不要放弃那一点点的机会。
傍晚弟回来帮忙把鱼都放回鱼缸（之前因为我不懂换水的细节所以要等我弟放工回来），希望鱼儿都能健康长大，不要再枉死了。
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
多出来的路
若是神要帶領你走的那一條路正與你意願相反，那就是神警告你，要你把心思意念完全交託給祂，祂要賜給你最大的禮物，就是使你和你的意念與祂的旨意完全合而為一.
曾经经历过自己所要的是与主相反的，可是偏偏固执己见，不愿意顺服。结果真的走了一大圈好辛苦的路途。奇妙的是，虽然我行错了反向，可是祂其实没有让我白白受苦。在这幸苦的路途上，祂藉着我所经历的苦楚告知我很多圣经道理。若我没经历过这些苦，我是永远不会明白及了解这些道理。所以其实我背道而驰的当下，神其实也转了个弯，预备另一条出路给我。最终的目的还是一样的，祂还是要引领我天家的路。我只是多跑了一些路，才回到轨道上。而且是带着一颗更愿意顺服，认错的心来带祂脚前。
「因為主必不永遠丟棄人，主雖使人憂愁還要照祂諸般的戀愛發憐憫，因祂 並不甘心使人受苦，使人憂愁。」（哀3：31-33）
曾经经历过自己所要的是与主相反的，可是偏偏固执己见，不愿意顺服。结果真的走了一大圈好辛苦的路途。奇妙的是，虽然我行错了反向，可是祂其实没有让我白白受苦。在这幸苦的路途上，祂藉着我所经历的苦楚告知我很多圣经道理。若我没经历过这些苦，我是永远不会明白及了解这些道理。所以其实我背道而驰的当下，神其实也转了个弯，预备另一条出路给我。最终的目的还是一样的，祂还是要引领我天家的路。我只是多跑了一些路，才回到轨道上。而且是带着一颗更愿意顺服，认错的心来带祂脚前。
「因為主必不永遠丟棄人，主雖使人憂愁還要照祂諸般的戀愛發憐憫，因祂 並不甘心使人受苦，使人憂愁。」（哀3：31-33）
有時候，人會覺得被神丟棄了，好像神不但不垂聽禱告，施恩拯救， 初步想起來，這實在令人不解，煩惱不安， 在現在的試煉，痛苦中，也不能灰心、絕望倒下去，仍然要仰望神， 因為祂必不永遠丟棄人， 並不甘心使人受苦，使人憂愁。雖然目前的重擔是神所加給的， |
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Count down from next Monday
The show is going to be on next Monday.
Rehearsal on Sunday.
Meeting their trainer on Saturday.
Having the "spicy dance" on Friday night.
Another training session at studio on Thursday night, plus rehearsal for dance.
Dinner with Disciple group.
Movie tonight
Rehearsal on Sunday.
Meeting their trainer on Saturday.
Having the "spicy dance" on Friday night.
Another training session at studio on Thursday night, plus rehearsal for dance.
Dinner with Disciple group.
Movie tonight
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
误会
我觉得好好笑哦。。。
那个是你提出的，之后我是很积极的做了很多，可是好像吓坏你了！
还是不了解我呵。
放心，没要你吃回头草，我也没脑袋秀逗掉。只是做得好像好误会。
算了。
真的是又气又好笑。
*谢谢你的回复，一切都明了。
那个是你提出的，之后我是很积极的做了很多，可是好像吓坏你了！
还是不了解我呵。
放心，没要你吃回头草，我也没脑袋秀逗掉。只是做得好像好误会。
算了。
真的是又气又好笑。
*谢谢你的回复，一切都明了。
Monday, October 25, 2010
My weekend
Went to "Mu Gui Lan" last weekend with a group of youth from 30+ churches. Our church has the most participants, so we booked the whole bus without sharing with others. The bus was without aircon, so we were all having natural wind along the way. I think we all swallowed some dust cause kept on laughing.....don't know for what.
The main focus for this camp was for the election of the youth fellowship member for part of area in Sibu. Not sure the term in English. And funny thing was they did the election at night time....so sleepy to wait for the result.
I did not sleep well there. So small the room yet allocated 20+ people in a room with double decked bed. Not used to sleep with others plus mixture of some other complicated feeling. This was the 1st camp that made me cried. Crying for home sick. Crying for no one to give ear to. So difficult to endure until i slept.
The most interesting part was station games. Hehehe....my group was chamPION!!!
Though tired but i couldn't sleep in the bus on the way back. It was raining outside. And i love the weather. Straightaway heading to dancing room once i reached church. Continue practicing with the "who am i" dance. Sweat a lot but i enjoyed it.
Back to church again in the evening for the Malay school.
For the very 1st time i fall asleep before 10pm. Couldn't describe the wonderful feeling, just so gratifying.
Phooooop. What a busy weekend~
The main focus for this camp was for the election of the youth fellowship member for part of area in Sibu. Not sure the term in English. And funny thing was they did the election at night time....so sleepy to wait for the result.
I did not sleep well there. So small the room yet allocated 20+ people in a room with double decked bed. Not used to sleep with others plus mixture of some other complicated feeling. This was the 1st camp that made me cried. Crying for home sick. Crying for no one to give ear to. So difficult to endure until i slept.
The most interesting part was station games. Hehehe....my group was chamPION!!!
Though tired but i couldn't sleep in the bus on the way back. It was raining outside. And i love the weather. Straightaway heading to dancing room once i reached church. Continue practicing with the "who am i" dance. Sweat a lot but i enjoyed it.
Back to church again in the evening for the Malay school.
For the very 1st time i fall asleep before 10pm. Couldn't describe the wonderful feeling, just so gratifying.
Phooooop. What a busy weekend~
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Pray for me please.
Still the same. Wanting other to understand me and my feeling. But people will never do that. So i have to change mine. Don't want to be so calculative with them. Expect nothing from them, sometimes even need to standby to take heart cause they would throw out harsh words ( for me it is harsh). So tired if keep on getting hurt. So i have to be strong and not letting other to influence my peace of mind. It is quite tough to go through with. So people! please pray for me so that i have strength to deal with.
Psalm27:13-14
Take heart. You'll gonna work it out. Just take heart. And pray for strength for going through everything.
I am still confident of this: i will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm27:13-14
I am still confident of this: i will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm27:13-14
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
wanted to know...
Wanted to figure out did he block me? But would this help up anything? Mmm...i don't think so lo. It will then just make me think a lot again no matter he did block or not block you. So the best answer is to let him go. and let me go. You could start a new life. Try, you have to at least try to move on.
Monday, October 18, 2010
insomnia
i couldn't sleep well these few nights. So horrible the feeling...
I love sleep i love sleep i love sleep i love sleep i love sleep....
I love sleep i love sleep i love sleep i love sleep i love sleep....
Friday, October 15, 2010
i should just let him go
I'll keep the letter for myself. I won't let him know anything cause it won't change anything even after giving the letter.
Save us from suffering again.
Save us from suffering again.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Should i let him know?
I was writing him a letter, telling him what matters me when i said it doesn't matter last time.
Wondering is it a good idea to disturb him again. He seems to go on his life normally.
should i? If i really care about him, i shouldn't tell him right? I should let him go.
But how if the letter can clear both of the doubts between us?
Or at least help me to go out of the mess.
Should i?
I wanna sleep...so tired.
Wondering is it a good idea to disturb him again. He seems to go on his life normally.
should i? If i really care about him, i shouldn't tell him right? I should let him go.
But how if the letter can clear both of the doubts between us?
Or at least help me to go out of the mess.
Should i?
I wanna sleep...so tired.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friends
I don't like kinda friend that only came to care about you only when you are in trouble. With no follow up. Nothing. Rather just shut up and do nothing.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Random#
I was trying to be perfect, trying so hard, not to let everyone downs, then realize that i'm not gonna make it.
Haiz....takes time to swallow it..
Haiz....takes time to swallow it..
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Stress from?
Attending a 5 sessions of life management talk at church. Today having 2 chapters talking about self image and stress management.Though the talk is only about time management, didn't know that they taught so many things that i do not know.
So i'm kinda person that care very much of how people looked at me. I judge myself by others' views. I care what other people think of me. This is my weakness. She told me don't try to always focus on my weakness, try to focus on the good side. Let the good one pour away the bad one.
Talk about stress, basically my stress all come from inner one. My thoughts, my emotions and the pain. It says that the inner stress always play the major part of STRESS. I'm suffering these. Things that i don't wanna talk over and things that hunt me everytime when i am alone.
I myself don't even entirely understand myself, not to say any other person around me.
That's a good realization!
So i'm kinda person that care very much of how people looked at me. I judge myself by others' views. I care what other people think of me. This is my weakness. She told me don't try to always focus on my weakness, try to focus on the good side. Let the good one pour away the bad one.
Talk about stress, basically my stress all come from inner one. My thoughts, my emotions and the pain. It says that the inner stress always play the major part of STRESS. I'm suffering these. Things that i don't wanna talk over and things that hunt me everytime when i am alone.
I myself don't even entirely understand myself, not to say any other person around me.
That's a good realization!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
yes. i'm drunk.
I'm drunk. I know that it sounds stupid to sit in front of PC while i'm drunk. but yes, i'm drunk. seriously. I hate that feeling. People telling me wow....you are so good in drinking! let's go have a drink at another place...I'm so sick of it, like i never when there b4. So sick of it. And only this time, i feel that i'm so weak. And i hate that. So hate it.
Stay alive....everything gonna be good. I love you! So do Him.
Stay alive....everything gonna be good. I love you! So do Him.
Friday, October 8, 2010
You are not them, you never know.
You have no idea what kinda life they have been gone through.
Not all have the chance to have wonderful life like you. They might heading a wrong way to look for their "wonderful" life.
Not all have the chance to meet so many people who are willing to teach life lessons.They might only received criticism.
Not all have the inborn talent to make them so unique. They have to really work hard.
Not all have the chance been loved by their parents. They have to find love.
Not all have the chance to be supported by their friends or families all the time. They have to look for support.
They have no back up. Not like you.
There are so many things that they can't control.
Even if they got the chance but they missed it, purposely, it is their problem then.
They have to take the consequences.
No one in this world have the power and authority to judge others cause we are all the same.
Please be grateful and please stop judging others on your view.
Stop judging others like you know everything.
Beware, cause when you look down on others, you give space for satan to live into your mind, heart and soul.
Beware, cause people nowadays spoil their sinful nature, they follow what the world called freedom, and they influence you direct and indirectly.
Beware, cause your thought will become your words, and your words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character, character then become your destiny.
Don't ever repeat the same mistake.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
扇子
这是我从沙巴带回来的木扇。
对我来说是满有纪念价值的。是在一个我很想去的市集买的。是我一个人拿了张地图从住宿走到那市集，而且还身负重任要买完所有要送人的纪念品。其实没想过会是自己一个人去的，以为同伴会陪着去，结果各有所求所以就落单了。这把木扇是我一眼见到就很喜欢的，就是买了它自己很爽很高兴，而且一路在逛的时候就靠它为我乘凉。沿途也是它陪着我回住宿去的。
回来诗巫就把它放在房间抽屉，也没用的着它。一直到前两个月才发现到打开它时，有一根木已经给虫给蛀了。
心里多么的不舍，就把它摊开来挂在空着的墙上。直到昨天我终于把它给丢了。原来它已经不能完全的给关上了。
纵使有很多的回忆，纵使有很多很多的不舍，我还是把它这折断丢了。
墙上现在已经放上两副从民都鲁带回来的两把扇子。一把那么凑巧就是和以前那副一模一样。
对我来说是满有纪念价值的。是在一个我很想去的市集买的。是我一个人拿了张地图从住宿走到那市集，而且还身负重任要买完所有要送人的纪念品。其实没想过会是自己一个人去的，以为同伴会陪着去，结果各有所求所以就落单了。这把木扇是我一眼见到就很喜欢的，就是买了它自己很爽很高兴，而且一路在逛的时候就靠它为我乘凉。沿途也是它陪着我回住宿去的。
回来诗巫就把它放在房间抽屉，也没用的着它。一直到前两个月才发现到打开它时，有一根木已经给虫给蛀了。
心里多么的不舍，就把它摊开来挂在空着的墙上。直到昨天我终于把它给丢了。原来它已经不能完全的给关上了。
纵使有很多的回忆，纵使有很多很多的不舍，我还是把它这折断丢了。
墙上现在已经放上两副从民都鲁带回来的两把扇子。一把那么凑巧就是和以前那副一模一样。
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Stupid i kiss facebook goodbye
you're just quitting because of that silly guy!
What are you waiting for? Waiting for him to notice your inactive ka?
Let me tell you, he never bother to look on you!
So just move on your life. Do what you want and don't take his words so seriously, he's only human. A super high ego man.
What are you waiting for? Waiting for him to notice your inactive ka?
Let me tell you, he never bother to look on you!
So just move on your life. Do what you want and don't take his words so seriously, he's only human. A super high ego man.
Year book 2009
I never bother to have a look on my Uni yearbook album until today. Look at what i found^^
Mmmm.....
Post up the photos without permission of the owner, think is very rude le...
But...
It is too funny la!!!!
okay la, i think this 2 model won't angry with me cause we are from the same kampung.
Of course got a lot a lot of handsomes and pretties but too many so can't upload all.
And it doesn't mean that the above models are ugly or what, just feel that it is funny.
And the probability of getting shot by handsomes and pretties is higher than my sekampung's friends if i put their photo in public....
Hahaha...just so funny!
Mmmm.....
Post up the photos without permission of the owner, think is very rude le...
But...
It is too funny la!!!!
okay la, i think this 2 model won't angry with me cause we are from the same kampung.
Of course got a lot a lot of handsomes and pretties but too many so can't upload all.
And it doesn't mean that the above models are ugly or what, just feel that it is funny.
And the probability of getting shot by handsomes and pretties is higher than my sekampung's friends if i put their photo in public....
Hahaha...just so funny!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Fee to talk
You know what, i feel so free to talk whatever here!
cause no one will gonna read it~
wahahaha~~
cause no one will gonna read it~
wahahaha~~
i kiss facebook goodbye
Recently i started to stop signing in to facebook. Not knowing others' stuff make me easier.
But there is a voice pulling me, asking me to go to have a look.
"Try to care for others."
Honestly, i don't mind to take time to care for others but i'm afraid i will make it too over for some of them.
"You will be missing a lot of things."
But we still go on our life without friendster and facebook many many years ago. We did not miss anything right? Maybe more gossips to miss...
Am started to get rid of myself from facebook.
Not addicted as previous.
Treated it as a communicating tool.
Am hoping i can use it wisely to do something more meaningful, something that can bless others.
PP, hold firm to your principle! I totally support you! Muacks ^3^
But there is a voice pulling me, asking me to go to have a look.
"Try to care for others."
Honestly, i don't mind to take time to care for others but i'm afraid i will make it too over for some of them.
"You will be missing a lot of things."
But we still go on our life without friendster and facebook many many years ago. We did not miss anything right? Maybe more gossips to miss...
Am started to get rid of myself from facebook.
Not addicted as previous.
Treated it as a communicating tool.
Am hoping i can use it wisely to do something more meaningful, something that can bless others.
PP, hold firm to your principle! I totally support you! Muacks ^3^
triumph
I could pack my language in less than 30 minutes!!!! and no more pointless worries.
In conclusion: nothing is impossible.
In conclusion: nothing is impossible.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I'm talking to someone
Hey, someone there...
i wanna tell you that i miss him.
No....is not missing.
Close to miss but it is not missing.
Just feel like wanna cry.
Feel like why it ended up like this? Why?
Lots of thinking running through my mind when i looked at his photos.
The very 1st thing i wanna ask him is "how are you?"
How are you jon?
If you're gonna ask me back.
My answer would be: I'm pretty good now. But i still need time.
I knew that i shouldn't write all this again. I have to move on and stop all this stupid imagination and what if sorta things. People said it is pity for a person to keep on not letting past memories go. Writing blog about someone does not cure everything. I don't want to be self pity.
i wanna tell you that i miss him.
No....is not missing.
Close to miss but it is not missing.
Just feel like wanna cry.
Feel like why it ended up like this? Why?
Lots of thinking running through my mind when i looked at his photos.
The very 1st thing i wanna ask him is "how are you?"
How are you jon?
If you're gonna ask me back.
My answer would be: I'm pretty good now. But i still need time.
I knew that i shouldn't write all this again. I have to move on and stop all this stupid imagination and what if sorta things. People said it is pity for a person to keep on not letting past memories go. Writing blog about someone does not cure everything. I don't want to be self pity.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Hello barbarians~
There are some barbarians here.
Working for these barbarians is training me to restrain my temper.
I'm just doing my job. And my job is to make sure you do the right thing.
You are the one who miss out and yet came and complained saying that how pity your guys are....How cruel the management treated you...blah blah blah...
If you've done nothing wrong,tolonglah, i don't even bother to recall your name!
Wondering the only cara you guys used is complaining non stop through phone, with me tak sempat replying a word, then cut off the call. Is it funny? Or does it make you happier?
-.-
Working for these barbarians is training me to restrain my temper.
I'm just doing my job. And my job is to make sure you do the right thing.
You are the one who miss out and yet came and complained saying that how pity your guys are....How cruel the management treated you...blah blah blah...
If you've done nothing wrong,
Wondering the only cara you guys used is complaining non stop through phone, with me tak sempat replying a word, then cut off the call. Is it funny? Or does it make you happier?
-.-
Monday, September 27, 2010
Places to sleep under the stars
I took this from Yahoo website.
http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-35722807
Photos enclosed
Loisaba Wilderness Lodge, Kenya ( I like this the most! I kiss the sun!)
Lion Sands Private Game Reserve, South Africa ( Then this!!! I love the environment!!!)
Amangiri Resort, Canyon Point, Utah ( The sky and the baldness attract me.)
Blue Mountains Private Safaris, Australia (Among all these, this place is like a place that i might go, cause is near to Malaysia)
Adrère Amellal Desert Ecolodge, Egypt (Egypt, it used to be my must-go-place-in-my-life, i think still.)
Killa Bhawan, Rajasthan (Not addicted. Maybe because will feel guilty to stay at such a high place, while the rest of them are living starving)
L’Albereta, Erbusco, Lombardy, Italy (Erm....not at all. It's too modern for me...Nonono...)
http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-35722807
Photos enclosed
Loisaba Wilderness Lodge, Kenya ( I like this the most! I kiss the sun!)
Lion Sands Private Game Reserve, South Africa ( Then this!!! I love the environment!!!)
Amangiri Resort, Canyon Point, Utah ( The sky and the baldness attract me.)
Blue Mountains Private Safaris, Australia (Among all these, this place is like a place that i might go, cause is near to Malaysia)
Adrère Amellal Desert Ecolodge, Egypt (Egypt, it used to be my must-go-place-in-my-life, i think still.)
Killa Bhawan, Rajasthan (Not addicted. Maybe because will feel guilty to stay at such a high place, while the rest of them are living starving)
L’Albereta, Erbusco, Lombardy, Italy (Erm....not at all. It's too modern for me...Nonono...)
Flowery blogs
Those flowery blogs are so hard to read!!! So distractive...
And i noticed seldom people who blog in English would do that, only those on Chinese, they will put more than 3 colours of its font, and there would be different size of their fonts too.....
k lah, not all Chinese fonts writer did that.
Maybe i forgot to bring my glasses,
will put on my glasses next time when i read it.
And i noticed seldom people who blog in English would do that, only those on Chinese, they will put more than 3 colours of its font, and there would be different size of their fonts too.....
k lah, not all Chinese fonts writer did that.
Maybe i forgot to bring my glasses,
will put on my glasses next time when i read it.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
If Only
I'm so wanna post this on the other blog. But i think it is not a good place to post it. It's not a good idea.
For those who likes "The notebook", this is so much more nicer.
I just want you to listen. You need to hear it.
I....but i wouldn't allow myself to truely feel it until today
Today, because of you, what i learnt from you, every choice i made was different and my life has completely changed
If you do that, you are living your life fully, doesn't matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years
If not for you, i'd never known love
Thank you for been positive told me to love, and to be loved
You don't have to say anything
I just want to tell you
For those who likes "The notebook", this is so much more nicer.
I just want you to listen. You need to hear it.
I....but i wouldn't allow myself to truely feel it until today
Today, because of you, what i learnt from you, every choice i made was different and my life has completely changed
If you do that, you are living your life fully, doesn't matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years
If not for you, i'd never known love
Thank you for been positive told me to love, and to be loved
You don't have to say anything
I just want to tell you
Patience
I have no patience to talk with someone who likes to talk. So mean. Okay, if he or she is telling me something with points, that should be fine. But telling me a bunch of things which i couldn't get the point! It sucks. Especially when i was not feeling well while sitting in a room with strong air con. Yet someone don't wanna end his or her stories. Even though we are all adult but that doesn''t mean that we can concentrate well everytime to every topic. Mind you, we loss concentration like kids too.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Calender
I prefer to blog here rather than the other blog. Think i can't monetize my blog cause i'm not so willing to share my thoughts with everyone. Not generous and open minded enough to do it.
Last night i found a piece of letter from my last year calender book. It was a letter for stanley. A letter that i wrote when i was moaning for his death. It describes how hard for me to accept his leaving. And how stupid i am to angry with a death person. I never remembered the date of his death only until last night. It's been more than a year. But i felt like many many years already he left me. To be honest, he was the most caring guy. He would cook porridge for me when i was sick, he would put on vicks and massage my stomach when i had period pain, he would bring me to places that i wanna go, he would be supportive at all the time, he would accompany me to look for job...I'm not missing him. He was just part of my memories and no one will gonna take it back from me. It was my pass story. I thew the letter this morning. The ring he gave me was still there, and the key. I think i'm gonna throw it later when i go home.
The calender was full of note. Some of the columns had stars on it. It was stuck by me everytime i had a date with Jon. There were so many on it. Thanks to the book, i could even recall back the time i went to KL for the SIA interview which ended up i just went there to relax cause the interview been postponed. And i stayed at Alex's place, mad with Jon and made up my mind to give him up. Of course, not successful. Then the Dinner at Damai Resort, Redang trip, Melacca, then Indon missionary trip. The calender only filled until early of June. It was the time i went back to Sibu. The next agenda was my convocation.
Looked at the empty July, it was the time i got my 1st job after finished my University. Then August-Convo, September, October, November-It was the time i mess up everything. December-Confession. Jan-July'10- Forgiveness and worked it out together. August-Finally, the story ended up here.
Last night i found a piece of letter from my last year calender book. It was a letter for stanley. A letter that i wrote when i was moaning for his death. It describes how hard for me to accept his leaving. And how stupid i am to angry with a death person. I never remembered the date of his death only until last night. It's been more than a year. But i felt like many many years already he left me. To be honest, he was the most caring guy. He would cook porridge for me when i was sick, he would put on vicks and massage my stomach when i had period pain, he would bring me to places that i wanna go, he would be supportive at all the time, he would accompany me to look for job...I'm not missing him. He was just part of my memories and no one will gonna take it back from me. It was my pass story. I thew the letter this morning. The ring he gave me was still there, and the key. I think i'm gonna throw it later when i go home.
The calender was full of note. Some of the columns had stars on it. It was stuck by me everytime i had a date with Jon. There were so many on it. Thanks to the book, i could even recall back the time i went to KL for the SIA interview which ended up i just went there to relax cause the interview been postponed. And i stayed at Alex's place, mad with Jon and made up my mind to give him up. Of course, not successful. Then the Dinner at Damai Resort, Redang trip, Melacca, then Indon missionary trip. The calender only filled until early of June. It was the time i went back to Sibu. The next agenda was my convocation.
Looked at the empty July, it was the time i got my 1st job after finished my University. Then August-Convo, September, October, November-It was the time i mess up everything. December-Confession. Jan-July'10- Forgiveness and worked it out together. August-Finally, the story ended up here.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The moon
The moon is so bright and big on the sky. And there is a star just on the south of it like a guardian angel. For those who were not in Malaysia, the moon is it the same as what i saw? If we look at it at the same time, is that means we are looking at each other?
I am happy to see the moon. It's beautiful.
I am happy to see the moon. It's beautiful.
From August to September
Dramatically change from August to September.
From the very beginning of August, went to Kuching to attend my junior's wedding with him, so happy like we were going to go through every ups and downs, the sweetest smile and happiest expression. A week after the trip, he said it was all over. Then we were over. It was still the early of August i assumed.
The day after broke up until the early of September was my struggling period. I tried to look back to him which only get back cold response. Crying in front of friends and family that i never thought i would. Digging his facebook profile to know every single move of him. And all the infor i get tore me into pieces. The last message i gave him was "stay close to Him no matter how." It shows i couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything else by my own. I've no authority to say so. Then i made this blog into public. I started to realize one by one, the bad to share a blog with your lover only, the bad to take photos with your lover together, the bad to present your lover the photos of both, the bad to hang the photos on the wall that everyone would notice, the bad to write love letter, the bad to go traveling only with your lover, the bad to tell everything to your lover, and the good to not giving your lover any memorial present.
September, i was learning to forgive both of them. And myself. For this incident. For him, i didn't blame him for saying it was over, i should knew that we were indeed having problem when we were together, something just not right yet we didn't say it out. And he made the move to call off. The right move i called it. For him, i was trying to forgive you, and i was really gratify to know that your marriage was aiming right. And your wife looked more chubby, it was much more better than the skeleton look. And congrats for soon to have another new member. To be honest, i couldn't be your friend. Never. But i'll totally forgive you one day. For myself, i knew somewhere, somehow i did wrong. And i believed all the consequences start from me. A huge realization behind the fact.
At time, i'm still struggling for something unknown. At time, I would be pessimistic too.
During these period, I was getting closer to some friends. Get to know that they always care about me. It was shamed to only know now that friendship will gonna play a vital part in my life. I missed this for quite a long time.
I am looking forward from September to October and October to November and....
From the very beginning of August, went to Kuching to attend my junior's wedding with him, so happy like we were going to go through every ups and downs, the sweetest smile and happiest expression. A week after the trip, he said it was all over. Then we were over. It was still the early of August i assumed.
The day after broke up until the early of September was my struggling period. I tried to look back to him which only get back cold response. Crying in front of friends and family that i never thought i would. Digging his facebook profile to know every single move of him. And all the infor i get tore me into pieces. The last message i gave him was "stay close to Him no matter how." It shows i couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything else by my own. I've no authority to say so. Then i made this blog into public. I started to realize one by one, the bad to share a blog with your lover only, the bad to take photos with your lover together, the bad to present your lover the photos of both, the bad to hang the photos on the wall that everyone would notice, the bad to write love letter, the bad to go traveling only with your lover, the bad to tell everything to your lover, and the good to not giving your lover any memorial present.
September, i was learning to forgive both of them. And myself. For this incident. For him, i didn't blame him for saying it was over, i should knew that we were indeed having problem when we were together, something just not right yet we didn't say it out. And he made the move to call off. The right move i called it. For him, i was trying to forgive you, and i was really gratify to know that your marriage was aiming right. And your wife looked more chubby, it was much more better than the skeleton look. And congrats for soon to have another new member. To be honest, i couldn't be your friend. Never. But i'll totally forgive you one day. For myself, i knew somewhere, somehow i did wrong. And i believed all the consequences start from me. A huge realization behind the fact.
At time, i'm still struggling for something unknown. At time, I would be pessimistic too.
During these period, I was getting closer to some friends. Get to know that they always care about me. It was shamed to only know now that friendship will gonna play a vital part in my life. I missed this for quite a long time.
I am looking forward from September to October and October to November and....
后续
之前写了好恨你，很感恩当天并没有特别的难受。只是心有些说不上来的感觉。
原来她怀孕了！
本来说好不写你了，可是还是很多关于你的。别人欢欢喜喜的为新生命而开心，我却哭哭啼啼的为失去而伤心。 从来都没想过自己会遇到这样的机遇。是怎么想都想不到的一个结果。他顺利结婚怀孕了。我顺利单身，学习更坚强独立。心里有时还是会不舒服。甚至今天看到关于他前女友的消息也会造成我的动荡。我，到底是怎么了？我很想完完全全的摸透我自己，可是却越来越不懂自己。经上说，只有祂懂我们的需要，因为祂是创造我的父。所以是祂懂我不需要这个人，不需要这段恋情，因为那不是我需要的？可是为什么我会很想回头？为什么我会伤心？为什么我不能面对他的种种？
我今天这么多的为什么其实代表我没有完完全全的信任祂。因为我怀疑祂所预备给我的。怀疑为什么是让我苦的。
心里有两个声音在拉扯。
一个是怀疑，一个是要我学习，记取教训。
一个是负面的，一个是真面的。
一个让我觉得痛苦，一个让我觉得舒服，解脱。
一个谴责着我，一个原谅我，给我机会。
一个让我灰心，绝望，一个给我希望，全新的希望。
一个让我抱怨，一个让我感恩。
一个是魔鬼，一个是上帝。
我是知道的。
原来她怀孕了！
本来说好不写你了，可是还是很多关于你的。别人欢欢喜喜的为新生命而开心，我却哭哭啼啼的为失去而伤心。 从来都没想过自己会遇到这样的机遇。是怎么想都想不到的一个结果。他顺利结婚怀孕了。我顺利单身，学习更坚强独立。心里有时还是会不舒服。甚至今天看到关于他前女友的消息也会造成我的动荡。我，到底是怎么了？我很想完完全全的摸透我自己，可是却越来越不懂自己。经上说，只有祂懂我们的需要，因为祂是创造我的父。所以是祂懂我不需要这个人，不需要这段恋情，因为那不是我需要的？可是为什么我会很想回头？为什么我会伤心？为什么我不能面对他的种种？
我今天这么多的为什么其实代表我没有完完全全的信任祂。因为我怀疑祂所预备给我的。怀疑为什么是让我苦的。
心里有两个声音在拉扯。
一个是怀疑，一个是要我学习，记取教训。
一个是负面的，一个是真面的。
一个让我觉得痛苦，一个让我觉得舒服，解脱。
一个谴责着我，一个原谅我，给我机会。
一个让我灰心，绝望，一个给我希望，全新的希望。
一个让我抱怨，一个让我感恩。
一个是魔鬼，一个是上帝。
我是知道的。
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Gratify list:
1. My boss is thoughtful enough to help his lorry driver to park his motorbike in the office.
2. Soft spoken when i'm annoying with someone.
3. My smile still as sweet as usual.
4. I'm normal.
5. I can give advices to people and people are willing to listen to me.
6. I got the chance to get to know the whole procedure of purchasing department.
7. I'm busy and i enjoyed it.
8. I like delicious food and i eat a lot.
1. My boss is thoughtful enough to help his lorry driver to park his motorbike in the office.
2. Soft spoken when i'm annoying with someone.
3. My smile still as sweet as usual.
4. I'm normal.
5. I can give advices to people and people are willing to listen to me.
6. I got the chance to get to know the whole procedure of purchasing department.
7. I'm busy and i enjoyed it.
8. I like delicious food and i eat a lot.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
How to deal with anxiety
Have you ever noticed how often Peter emphasizes the practical application of the truths he is writing about? He has given instruction to the elders and now he warns of two problems which Christian leaders continually face.
The first is pride, the second is anxiety.
The clothes of humility (v. 5) should be worn by every Christian. God does not like proud people. To be proud means to think you are above everybody else in one area or another. Pride is possibly the commonest and worst form of sin.
When we see that pride is really the glorifying of self instead of Christ, we realize how wrong it is. The safest way to avoid pride is to continually give all the glory to Christ for everything.
The second problem Peter deals with is anxiety (v. 7). You can call it worry, or care or just plain sin. Deep in our hearts we know that worry is unbelief and distrust. When the circumstances are changed, we often acknowledge this fact when we say 'Father forgive us for not trusting you'.
What are some things we worry about? Family and business problems, finances, health, even matters in the church and our spiritual needs.
What should we do about these cares? We are to cast all our burdens on the Lord. It means to do it once and for all. Could we ever do this? When we resolve to do it, there will come from God the strength needed to do what he tells us to do.
And remember he cares for us. As someone said 'it matters to him about you'. The Christian faith is built on this great truth that we have a God who loves us and cares for us continually.
The first is pride, the second is anxiety.
The clothes of humility (v. 5) should be worn by every Christian. God does not like proud people. To be proud means to think you are above everybody else in one area or another. Pride is possibly the commonest and worst form of sin.
When we see that pride is really the glorifying of self instead of Christ, we realize how wrong it is. The safest way to avoid pride is to continually give all the glory to Christ for everything.
The second problem Peter deals with is anxiety (v. 7). You can call it worry, or care or just plain sin. Deep in our hearts we know that worry is unbelief and distrust. When the circumstances are changed, we often acknowledge this fact when we say 'Father forgive us for not trusting you'.
What are some things we worry about? Family and business problems, finances, health, even matters in the church and our spiritual needs.
What should we do about these cares? We are to cast all our burdens on the Lord. It means to do it once and for all. Could we ever do this? When we resolve to do it, there will come from God the strength needed to do what he tells us to do.
And remember he cares for us. As someone said 'it matters to him about you'. The Christian faith is built on this great truth that we have a God who loves us and cares for us continually.
他
我只能说他真的还不是适合你。
如果今天是他在国外，举办了一个疯狂派对，他，绝不会像他那样克制的住。
这样的人生，你不担心吗？
你说他不信任你，如果真的是因为他，你无话说，
如果是因为其他的原因，而他却字字不提，今天你也无话好说了。
既然他要你装着一头的问号离开，也无所谓了，你也没必要再厚着脸皮了。
我不会再记录你对我影响的种种了。
如果今天是他在国外，举办了一个疯狂派对，他，绝不会像他那样克制的住。
这样的人生，你不担心吗？
你说他不信任你，如果真的是因为他，你无话说，
如果是因为其他的原因，而他却字字不提，今天你也无话好说了。
既然他要你装着一头的问号离开，也无所谓了，你也没必要再厚着脸皮了。
我不会再记录你对我影响的种种了。
Monday, September 13, 2010
Someone
While i was moaning about the thing i missed. Someone else is worrying about me. Someone whose i just barely knew. Someone noticed the changes of my emotion. Someone asking me is everything alright. Someone prepared a surprise gift for me, telling me to treat myself nice. I felt so guilt towards myself, so wrong to keep other worrying about me.
Thank you someone.
Thank you someone.
流淚
| 「他們經過流淚谷，叫這谷變為泉源之地， 並有秋雨之福。」（詩84：6）很少有人知道流淚的意義和價值，一般人只知道流淚是受苦的表示，是弱者的行為。然而聖經卻講流淚的另一作用。當人肉體受傷的時候，流血，當人內心受傷的時候才流淚。不曉得流淚的人是剛硬和冷酷的人。因此不流淚的人，不容易了解人生的意義，世界的實情，就是對別人缺少同情和體恤，對自己也少有轉機和進深。 雖然流淚的原因各有不同，但總是真實的表達，是內心之窗，像小孩子一樣，是人們生來的天真。神對於祂兒女們的眼淚是很重視的，甚至裝在祂的皮袋裡（詩56：8）。流淚的祈禱常是蒙應允的禱告（王下20：5），我們的主在世上的時候也曾流淚（來5：7；約11：35；路19：41）。先知耶利米和使徒們也多是常常流淚的（耶9：1；哀2：11；3：48；徒20：19，31；林後2：4）。 凡往錫安大道的都要經過流淚谷，雖然是艱難、困苦、憂傷的所在，但經過之後，這谷就變為泉源之地，並有秋雨之福，可以流出喜樂，甘甜之水結出佳美，幸福之果，使自己的生命有改變，在屬靈的道路上更向前進。眼淚不但流出了自己的罪惡污穢，並變成安慰醫治的膏油，眼淚將來要變成珍珠。 |
出人意外的平安
不要以為神的保護就是將艱難挫折挪去，那並不一定是好的保護方式，神更多時候是保守人的心懷意念，叫人能以神的心意來看眼前的艱難，使人不致在艱難挫折中被魔鬼試探而跌倒。
神保守人的心懷意念，賜人出人意外的平安。內裡有一顆平安的心，就能在艱難中仍然喜樂。平安之所以是出人意外，那是因為我們明明沒有能力在難關面前淡然處之，但偏偏我們就能夠喜樂，這正好說明了神的保守。
當我們的心懷意念得神的保守，我們就能做到「應當一無掛慮，只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求，和感謝，將你們所要的告訴神。」所以，若我們懂得禱告和感恩，便已表達了一種信念，表示相信神會保護我們。
多少人在患難當中不能夠禱告，不曉得禱告，不願意禱告；多少人在痛苦當中怨天尤人，不懂得感恩，不知道感恩，到頭來一切或輕或重的擔子，都由自己承擔。對於這些不曉得禱告感恩的人，出人意外的平安是絕無僅有的事。當你嚐過出人意外的平安的滋味，你便知道神的保護是甚麼一回事了。
神保守人的心懷意念，賜人出人意外的平安。內裡有一顆平安的心，就能在艱難中仍然喜樂。平安之所以是出人意外，那是因為我們明明沒有能力在難關面前淡然處之，但偏偏我們就能夠喜樂，這正好說明了神的保守。
當我們的心懷意念得神的保守，我們就能做到「應當一無掛慮，只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求，和感謝，將你們所要的告訴神。」所以，若我們懂得禱告和感恩，便已表達了一種信念，表示相信神會保護我們。
多少人在患難當中不能夠禱告，不曉得禱告，不願意禱告；多少人在痛苦當中怨天尤人，不懂得感恩，不知道感恩，到頭來一切或輕或重的擔子，都由自己承擔。對於這些不曉得禱告感恩的人，出人意外的平安是絕無僅有的事。當你嚐過出人意外的平安的滋味，你便知道神的保護是甚麼一回事了。
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
目標
| 保羅承認，要達到基督為我們定的生活目標是很難的。但我們沒有理由放棄。保羅描述他總是向著最終的目標直奔。 | ||
| 12這不是說我已經得著了，已經完全了；而是竭力追求，或許可以得著基督耶穌所要我得著的。 13弟兄們，我不是以為自己已經得著了；我只做一件事，就是忘記背後，努力追求前面的， 14向著標竿直跑，為要得上帝在基督耶穌裡從上面召我來得的獎賞。 15所以，我們中間凡是成熟的人，總要存這樣的心；若在甚麼事上存別樣的心，上帝也會把這事指示你們。 16然而，我們達到甚麼地步，就當照這個地步行。 17弟兄們，你們要一同效法我，也當留意看那些效法我們榜樣的人。 18因為，我屢次告訴你們，現在又流淚告訴你們：許多人行事是基督十字架的仇敵。 19他們的結局就是滅亡。他們的神是自己的肚腹；他們以自己的羞辱為光榮，專以地上的事為念。 20我們卻是天上的國民，並且等候救主，就是主耶穌基督從天上降臨。 21他要按著那能使萬有歸服自己的大能，把我們這卑賤的身體改變形狀，和他自己榮耀的身體相似。 腓立比書3:12-21 我是不是盡我的能力向著這目標直奔？ |
Do you know?
Do you know that in Sarawak Labour Ordinance, it stated that:
Public Holiday
We have 16 days of public holiday (in which 4 are including National Day, Birthday of the Yang di Pertuan Agong, Birthday of the Yang di Pertua Negeri Sarawak and the Workers’ ). Provided that the other 12 public holidays be fixed regard to the religion and customs of the employees before the commencement of each calendar year. Plus any day declared as public holiday by the Government of the state.
Working on Public Holiday
If you are working on Public Holiday, you’ll be paid double wages regardless the period of work done on that day is less than the normal day.
If your working hour on that day excess the normal hours of work on normal day, you shall be paid at a rate which is not less than 3 times rate of pay. This means at least 3 times the pay.
You will be entitled to travelling allowance for that day.
Annual Leave
While you are taking annual leave, ended up taking sick leave or maternity leave, you shall be granted the sick leave or maternity leave instead of annual leave. you save the annual leave.
Annual leave is excluding 2dys CNY leaves. CNY suppose to be counted as Public Holiday! DUDE!
I'm not that big actually.
I always look myself too "big". Or self-centered. Always thought that someone need me so much. Like if they don't have me, hardly they can survived.
Yeah Yeah.....i know i am super arrogant.
So that's why i am bothered by this.Cause it makes me worried a lot which i'm not really enjoyed by it.
I keep everything for myself. Especially bad feelings.
And i always do something hasty. What came into my mind immediately i'll convert it into action. Then regret for the thing i did. I'm trying to find a good solution to solve this problem. Cause i don't want to correct it back only until one day i've done something very very bad or bringing any serious consequences.
In conclusion:
I'm only human. I've limitation. I'm weak. I can do nothing only by me. Cast all your anxieties and burdens to Him and let Him guide you. Let Him be your Father and be their Father too. By then we'll all living under by Him. He will take care all of us. So you don't have to worry.
Yeah Yeah.....i know i am super arrogant.
So that's why i am bothered by this.Cause it makes me worried a lot which i'm not really enjoyed by it.
I keep everything for myself. Especially bad feelings.
And i always do something hasty. What came into my mind immediately i'll convert it into action. Then regret for the thing i did. I'm trying to find a good solution to solve this problem. Cause i don't want to correct it back only until one day i've done something very very bad or bringing any serious consequences.
In conclusion:
I'm only human. I've limitation. I'm weak. I can do nothing only by me. Cast all your anxieties and burdens to Him and let Him guide you. Let Him be your Father and be their Father too. By then we'll all living under by Him. He will take care all of us. So you don't have to worry.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
何不放手？
神極願意施恩給祂的兒女，但他們卻常常自作主張，不肯依靠祂。
要到幾時?
令人難以忍受的，往往是問題長久未得解決。「主啊，要到幾時？」
無疑，約瑟被屈枉囚於牢獄時，必有同感；
神的延遲是為了叫我們長大成熟。我們的時間在祂的手中，所以，
主啊，我只想說，很高興你聽了我的禱告。求你賜我力量堅持下去。
無疑，約瑟被屈枉囚於牢獄時，必有同感；
神的延遲是為了叫我們長大成熟。我們的時間在祂的手中，所以，
主啊，我只想說，很高興你聽了我的禱告。求你賜我力量堅持下去。
03.09.2010-Jennie's Big day!
Dear Jennie,
Although i can't witness the happiest moment on your big day, but i managed to come out some love songs for your wedding's video. Though i do not know whether they'll use all of the songs. I am so excited and happy for you, maybe because you're the first of my hometown course mate getting married.
Special dedicated to you and your loved one.
Love Of My Life by Jim Brickman
By Heart By Soul by Avalon & Aaron Neville
If You were a road
I'd learn every turn til I
Could find my way with my eyes closed
If You were a song
I'd sing along til I
Knew every word and every note
But you were everything to me
A mystery
Your the Love I live to see
CHORUS
By heart, by soul
Thats how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul
If You were a place
I'd stay my whole life til I
Had every corner memorized
And if You were a star
I'f follow You home, You would be
The Light that is my only guide
You were everything to me
My A to Z
Your the Love thats lives in me
Bridge:
I wanna know You inside and out
Better than I even know myself
CHORUS x 2
By heart, by soul
Thats how I want to know You
Keep you as close as
Breath is to life
Wanna watch Your Love unfold
By heart, by soul
If You were a star
I'd follow You home by heart
By soul
Waltz for Jennifer by FFH
Another long day is gone
And I'm ready for another long night
Where I'll be by your side
Another long day will come
And I'll thank Jesus that I am alive and
That He made you mine
CHORUS
We belong together you and me
Holding on tight like lock and key
Going strong the way this love should be our fantasy
And I'm so glad that God made me for you and you for me
I'm having that dream
Where we are walking together along
With the sand in our feet
And I'm awake and I realize it wasn't a dream
It was reality
CHORUS x 2
We belong together you and me
Holding on tight like lock and key
Going strong the way this love should be our fantasy
And I'm so glad that God made me for you and you for me
I'm so glad the God made me for you and you for me
Holding Hands by Steve Green
Unfailing Love by Jimmy Needham