So here comes to the end of the year 2011, i have nothing much to say. The whole year seemed to be all surrounded by Singapore. From the early of the year, prepared myself for Singapore. The mix feelings, i can't hardly to ignore. It pops out once a while when something similar trigger me. And the settling down at this island. Mentally and physically be prepared for quite a long period. From the basic needs to love, it seems all come clear now. It's been nine months i was working here. At times i still think that how actually i managed to go through all these. How? I have no answer. The only answer i could have is because of God. By the moment He leaded me, i might not know, i think i was still in the sea of self pity and self doubt. But when the heavy cloud gone, it's all clear. It was a lesson to learn. The only way that i can learn by experiencing. I just live.

Not forgetting too my initial dreams to be here, either to continue vet study or aim for mission, at the same time gaining working experience. Can see it clearly that career isn't my main concern in my life. I have no big passion dream for my career. Well, i might not be able to do any for both for the former dream in year 2011, but i still can carry forward to next year, or the following year again. Nothing is too late.

I have spoken to Wei Li, he said that next year there are going to have 2 missions at Indonesia. I am hoping to join one. For the vet course, i search it here but all it has is full time diploma course. I am not going back to full time study. Degree course available mostly at Australia and it's kinda expensive. I will pray about that again see how it should goes.

Yesterday my boss was doing informal appraisal with me, he was sorta giving advice saying i should have my goals on where my HR career wanna be. All in my mind was "i want to take care of animal. I don't give a shit of to think of serving in HR."

Then again, whether i like it or not, life goes on no matter i achieve my dream or not. It could be i am now fighting the process to achieve my dream? or it could be i am in the middle of reaching my dream? who knows. Or i might get something even better than what i planed.

JL told me that getting a dog is a huge commitment. It might refrain us from mobile around. But i really really like dog, and i can't be that selfish too if i can't take good care of them. OR maybe JL's mum can move to Miri too?? hahaha...just kidding.

Anyway, See ya next year!

我会改变我现在的生活。至少我会尽力。
我会去查一查看到底我想要进修的科系需要花多少时间金钱。
我会有规律的运动（买了鞋之后，现在没鞋），保持自己。
我会学习独立，不要逞强。 情绪上也是。
我会再开一个户口给储蓄用途。必要的紧急保障。
我会再乐观些，有些退步了。
我会学一学新加坡人的为自己而活。要开心。
我会多多联络家乡的老朋友，他/她们曾经都成为过我的支柱。
我会再捉紧上帝的手，继续抄经。
我会再学习从乌云密布到太阳公公出来的过程。
我会再多读点书。
我会在工作上尽自己能力做好本分。
我会在爱人爱己上学会爱己，把正确的才给人。
我会再绽放光芒的。
我会把以上的都抄进我随身携带的笔记本。

I would like to make it short.

Friend's marriage life showed me a lot of simple yet realistic condition. Ranging from money, physically changes(pregnant) to sex life. It's kinda freak me out a bit to hear that. Some were understandable but some were..i think there is a way to fix it. I dare not to comment about it but just take it as a lesson i learnt from others (both good or bad one)

Recently finished a book name "Stolen Life" by Jaycee Dugard. It's a real story about her.The story is very penetrating. Traumatic life.

Working life is the same, still challenging.

Holiday seasons making more home sick feeling.

JL is busy with his work too.  It is a good thing for us, having more time off for our own, be it for reading or just doing nothing. And i can call friends more often. I think at times i enjoyed being alone.

I made it to the end of year 2011!
There were joys and tears and loves.
I thank God for walking me through the ugly time,
for bringing me to failure and sucess,
to experience the process,
to soak in the bad just to let me know what is good.

There were so many ups and downs
but two things remain unchanged.
The heart for God and the heart for Lim.

Merry Christmas.
Spending christmas time alone is not scary
but if you spend it with a bunch of people yet you can't feel the peacefulness and happiness, you should be aware then.
I hope baby will have a wonderful Christmas.

No special meaning. Just i look pretty awesome so i post it up here. ( >0< )xixixixi...

我以为别人这样做会得到什么，我同样的做也会。结果很错。

朋友的PTPTN在去年还清了。而且她和我是大学同年的。她在新加坡做工，所以我相信她有能力还得快。

我来了这里也七个月了。我也是想尽快把PTPTN还清。

可是昨晚我听到她和别人的对话时才晓得，原来她的年终花红可以是3个月工资。而且她起薪是整整$600 起跳。以此推算，她真的是轻而易举只要一笔花红就可以还清那区区一万多的马币了。我还拼命的打算盘，一直怀疑自己怎么不能像她那么本事。原来如此。心里比较踏实，不是我不够有心，而是我们两根本就不一样嘛。真不应该比较。我也有我值得的地方。之前是我不了解，现在懂了！

而且她对工作的付出是真的一条心。拼了命的为公司忙，得到的也是应该的。

看看我自己也不赖啊！工资没很多，可是还是有比很多人多咯。工作也没有那么的喘不过气来，至少我可以每天准时放工。而且我来这里在医药上的开销已经是多很多比以前，我还是够用。虽然很多意外的开销，可是我还是足够。还是开心因为自己还是可以自供自给。目前唯一就是将来要回去时，要是没能马上找到一份不错的工，自己能否有一笔足够的本在应对生活所需。虽然一路来我都做好了帐，编排了钱的用处，可常常会有一些意料外的开销，所以计划真的刚不上变化这话是真的，是可信的。

我总有很强烈的感觉，这一路走来，满满的祝福恩典在我身上运行。一直到今天还是一样。对未来也一样！

今天去拔了智慧牙。没想过会在这里拔牙。偏偏就发生我牙痛非拔不可。去了我$390。多吗？其实很感恩，之前看过同事拔是$800，我的还算是可以了。也还好我牙已经长整颗出来了，我不需要开刀，正差程序就可以了，不然真的是吃不消。

男友问我钱够用吗？我说不很多，不过常常都够用。他说他羡慕我。我说，你如果觉得够用，那一定是常常够用的。我很骄傲的告诉他。宝贝你一直都够用对吗？^^

我爱死了我的牙齿，在此附上牙齿一颗。不是血淋淋的那颗（那颗去面子书看），而是我清洁了晾干的。和家里那颗一起我就有一对了^^ *so proud*

还有我喜欢很久的poster!

Look at the bear!! so cute right???? you can see her eye liner!! mad cute!!!! Credit to the design!

今天我在巴士上做了件我觉得满勇敢的事。遇到了一个变态男子，用他下身顶住女生后边。我很清楚的看见，他是故意的。几个礼拜前，我是受害者。之后我陆续都有看见他，可是就很怕靠近他，或怕他靠近我。很多次看到他都是以一样的姿势站在女子后面，可是我都没看到他下半身的行动。今天我看到了他对住一个女的，很气愤，我也没有多想，巴士一停我就上前告诉车长，还指住那男的说就是他！或许是没遇过如此情形，声音都有些抖。不过至少好过我呆呆被人欺负，还有更多的女子被如此欺负。车长后来有一直盯住那男的应该，车上拥挤的人潮应该也有听到，希望这有帮助到吓吓他，毕竟每天巴士的搭客在那个时段都是那几个。多人懂，就多人防，多人防，他就不会那么容易得逞。后来放工又遇到一样的车长，他告诉我以后遇到这种情形直接告诉车长，不要离开巴士，可以马上报警扣留变态男子的。

或许新加坡的好很明显在安全方面比马来西亚好非常非常多。如果是在马国，我一定不会怎么做，应该就只有无奈。可是新国就不一样，真的是有公平的。或许没有100份的廉洁，可是至少人民是被保护的，政府是能像保护盾一样让我们可以信赖的住。马来西亚什么时候能如此呢？虽然不是最糟糕的，可是明显的还有很多进步的空间。

从小到大我遇过蛮多的变态事件。小学遇过在教堂我一个人荡秋千时献宝。快要中学时走路去游泳遇到有人看住泳池手淫，之后还光明正大的向着我。中学时在夜市被人偷捏屁股，是很用力的被人吃豆腐，不是插身而过。来新加坡先遇到偷窥的，又遇到偷袭击的。。。

女人天生的一个弱点，请小心看护自己。男人，请尽你的责任保护你的亲人朋友，也见义勇为些,打抱不平，是有差别的如果能如此。

My boyfriend was coming over to Singapore last weekend. This was our very 1st trip (not counting to his place at Miri)! So he finally met up with 2 of my besties, Sharon and May. We had visited to Zoo, Underwater world and dolphin lagoon at Sentosa. And he was so lucky (i think because he has a lucky girlfriend ^^), he had been called up to the front stage to play throw and catch with the sea lion at dolphin lagoon! When he looked back to the camera to see the photos that i took for him, he was so proud and said, "see, so many people snapped me!"

At first i thought the zoo and Sentosa visiting would be very tiring but fortunately it was not. We were kinda relax and flexible. Can you imaging when we visited the zoo, it rained and stopped like 5 or 6 times! We opened and closed the unbrella, we went in and out from different shelters along all the way. He complained about my umbrella saying it was too small...hehe..but i think it was just nice. TOO SMALL?? Hold me closer la then!
Next time if you want to go to Zoo and you notice the weather is not so good, you better buy the rain coat from the entrance (or you bring one in case cause zoo charge it at $5 per piece), cause it will rain and stop and rain and stop many many times! Umbrella will still limits you.

The animals and facilities are really well maintened. MUST pay a visit if you got a chance to come to Singapore! If you are lucky, i might be able to provide you free admission ticket!

Sentosa for me was so so. A leisure place free from the demand of work and duty! Can pay a visit to have a quick glance. If you want to take part in everything, you really need to ready quite a lot of S$.
Underwater was good for me as i love water and animals.

Our last station was Marina Bay Sands. This was a luxury place full of the glamour brands of fashion. A place to see see and walk walk, and photo shotting cause it has nice scenery.

The only photo i have, the rest are all with him.












The only conclusion from the trip is getting to know each others' style.

Somehow i realise, some gals who has not in a relationship before, they tend to be having not pleasant personality.

I have one colleague, at the age around 30, she is quite helpful at times. But when comes to some critical issue, i found that she can't put herself in the others shoes, another words, 没有同理心。She enjoyed people falling in the awkwardness situation. Typical type of people that 看好戏。New comer not so familiar in the field, asking for clarification, she will replied废话and turn around.
Isn't it rude for a 30 years old lady to have a response like that to a colleague?

I shouldn't comment her as without relationship before so she has this attitude,
I should comment,
perhaps, because of her attitude, she's still single at this age.

DIY for Wall Frame

All you have to buy are:-

1. Black cardboard
2. Print out your favourite photos
(or like me just go and buy some post cards that mimic the photo like i took)
3. Sharp knife
4. Ruler
5. Cutter mat (or anything that can works as cutter mat)
6. Double tape
7. Blue tab

Here it is

Buy the black cardboard ( better buy those "harder", it lasts long) and carry back to your nest. Mine is really a big one so 2 are enough. Wait! you need to measure your photo size and calculate the total measurement for the actually size you need before buy the card.





Do and mark the measurement at the back of the cardboard. Draw all before cut.










I don't have any ruler so i used a removeable book self to be my ruler and mat to cut it.

Can try using scissor but you can't get a nice cut. Use sharp knife then you can have this.

After cut one, try to put your photo on the card to test your mathematics. If correct, then go on cut all the rest. if not, please go back the 1st step and repeat again.

Done all cutting.

Now get all your photos ready, put the double tape at the back of every photos.

Tadah!! Finish all you will feel damn happy!

Used blue tab to tab it on the wall. You can simply tab at the places you wanted to without having design in your mind cause you can change it anytime. This is the good of magic blue tab! TIP: Don't use black blue tab, it leaves stains. Used the blue colour.

Special thanks to May for giving me the idea and helping me to grab all the ingredients.

I keep on feeling sleepy lately during working hour. The tiredness especially reflected on my eyes, barely can open my eyes… Should sleep more at night time. Get on bed a little bit earlier again perhaps.  

Due to the work boredom, I looked up for something to refresh myself by facebook-ing =.=  

Saw the videos from Tempting Heart Studio, a famous video shooting company for wedding at my hometown. I could recognize many of the brides and bridegrooms. Is like “Wow…this guy finally gets married”, “Harr…this lady kahwin to him ah”, or “Woaw, I know this guy, he is freaking rich!” or “Wah, she is younger than me leh, why look like me younger than her…” something like these in my mind.  I describe it in a cultured manner here. Actually in my mind there are a bit exaggerate tone.

Mostly I know are those-i-can’t-remember-their-name-but-know-them-during-some-of-my-study-times. I think mostly are around my age or younger.  I guess is because my home town is a small place, people really get married not at the old age. Pretty obey with the traditional norm. I mean most of them. Ohya, talking about that, yesterday my mom told me a story of one of my primary tuition mate. (her mom is my mom’s friend too, but her mom is as fierce as tiger, no good people. Why? Because she always scolded me when I couldn’t close her car door tight which I suspected that it was her car problem. Am I was the 冤大鬼for her to let off her bad temper. It lasted for a year, some more I was only in primary, and my mom paid for the ride.) 

Okay, back to my tuition mate. She ran away with a Kuching guy and gave birth to a boy and a girl. Her mother claimed that they signed the marriage certificate (no wedding ceremony, no announcement). But now the guy left her. She now came back to my hometown and stayed with her parents and her wage now is barely enough to cover her children’s daily expenses. Which mean, her parents need to help rise up the two kids.  

The moral of the story are:-

* Parents play a vital role in rising up their children. Especially as a role model to show how love & responsibility work in life.

* Follow a guy only if he is willing to go through all the complicated wedding preparations and proper ceremony. Dumped the guy if he doesn’t want/not dare to meet your parents.

* If you are not pretty, please feed your brain with knowledge. Thick make up won’t cover the blemish of your “no brain”

* Only if you can provide basic needs to your offspring, you can go ahead to intercourse. Otherwise, please learn to DIY

To be frank, I am sorry for her. And I am grateful for what I have now. Although I did not always do well in appreciating my life, but I will keep learning non stop.

Besides, I saw a lot of my church friends getting married. Well, this is a happy scene for me. Fellowship friends, then couples, then getting married. Too fast the time pass, too bad I couldn’t catch up to witness any of them walking down the church. I never witness a church wedding before. Luckily there is Tempting Heart Studio putting up the video, I can still name the church by the design of the concrete building in the video. And it saves my time to witness a wedding ceremony.

Done! 6.00pm, going back home.z z Z Z

So fade up, there is no way I can do well in my job. I can’t do even though I wanted to. All the delays from you, because of you can’t finish this and that, it delays my works. I have no choice but have to selfishly think of a way to perk myself up.

 Mails I sent, you never look in detail. WTF I send you then?

 Door gift takes time to do printing and it is subject to stock availability. And you told me hold on to next week yet our D&D is on 16 Dec, less than a month for you to do what you wanna do. FUCK!

 You said you are busy cause need to do minutes of Business Review. ASSHOLE! Is your problem then! The meeting ended for a month yet you didn’t do the minutes until last minute, and you aspect me to always free to clean your shit! I have auditing need to do! You bastard knowing nothing and I need to teach you that too! No time for me to teach you too is it? Another mistake you created for me. In the end of the day you would say “Oh, Ping Ping didn’t tell me, I have no idea about that!”

I am bloody sick of your attitude.

Runing out of idea of how to express. In words.

Let's make it simple.

Thanks God for the leading as we met each others' parent in one day. It went smoothly and he has lots of good charaters to credit for himself. My parents like him. It was totally different with the first time they heard about him and now. Dramatic change. Thanks for the leading. Thanks baby. Good job!

I gained weight, but, not as heavy as the last post saying 56.2kg, but close to this figure. Looking back to the 减肥计划 i did follow the instrustions, but not entirely. Probably that's why. The exercise part i couldn't achieve it. Fail it..And my parents said my face like "pao zhi" =.=

Getting ready to go back to Sarawak. Uncertainties sometimes feared me. I need strong faith on it.

A bit over budget lately due to some advance expenses. Have to handle it wisely. Have-fun-still-but-not-too-over-cause-it's-soon-to-end-here

My friend's PR approved! It seems that we are heading to different direction. I do hope what she does is what she likes.

Nana is getting more mature. Hard times torn us to be a better man.

Going to do a health screening tomorrow. Hope my period can delay a bit this month for the blood taking. The least i don't want to have is to loss my health while feeding by Sg$.

Convocation season again at this time. Batches and batches of juniors happily graduated. Or seemed happily graduated. Feel like those Uni time was old story for my memory. But if i got the chance to meet back those Uni Junior, the memory will bounced back clearly. Undeniable, Uni life is wonderful. But think again, childhood life, school life, working life, love life and future life also wonderful! All are wonderful! All are the growing process! Just that i am ahead a bit compare to my junior and still catching to follow what seniors had gone through. (Aging and some life process, not to say follow everything they did)

Ahah~ All are the same. Only the processes are different. And the stories. 

After graduated, then working life, then love life, then start a new family or continue fighting for "money" life...In between might have some bitterness & happiness & sadness. But life is still wonderful and colourful if we never give up our hopes! and if we aimed to the right direction.

I am very happy and satisfy for what i have now. Although not all is within my control and sometime bumpy a little bit here and there (which you can read some through my posts), i still able to accept, to grow, to change, to learn and to maintain a healthy mind and life. Really give thanks!

And i have a better and clearer vision on where i am heading for. That really calmed me. You have no idea how the exhaustive searches on myself fed me up.Thanks for all the supports given by the loved ones.

So

20.10.11

终于可以有时间坐下来写些心得。

老板很惹人厌。做事很慢，可以为了自己一项事项而把其它事项都丢给我。问他些意见，他既然可以把一切推得一干二净，什么都不理。

其实自己还是应付的来，只是自己心里总是协调不来。很多不甘，好苦毒。常常都是在厕所自己独自思想才能放开些。

是我学习的机会，唯有这样想，我会比较好受。

和大学学妹遇上了。真的很难得，很珍惜。她很努力的过好她的生活。很心疼她，小失眠了下。天南地北的聊天，聊她如何生小孩，如何喂人奶，婚姻上种种的不愉快，种种的无奈忍气吞声。说不上来的心情。

团契有婚姻专题，真的是觉得需要或是想学习，还做了笔记。

   结婚的目的

·         互为伴侣

重点：婚前的眼瞎视力（情人眼里出西施），在婚后视力一定完全痊愈。伴侣是同行的。不是一个前，一个后。

·         成为完整

重点：离开父母，要脱离对原生家的依赖，和伴侣共同走着一个方向。

·         享受

重点：享受，不是忍受。是享受牺牲，牺牲享受。

·         多结果子

重点：孩子是上帝所赐的。若不是藉着祂，一个也生不出。

·         保护

重点：要彼此祝福对方。

·         豫表基督

家是基督的根基.

妻子的责任

·         训练自己信任丈夫的决定

·         学习欣赏丈夫的积极品格

重点：浪漫是让着他，慢慢来。

·         帮助儿女效忠父亲

·         饶恕丈夫的错

重点：饶恕就承担他的过失

·         学习按照丈夫的优先次序来订时间

·         欣赏丈夫为工作细节所付出的精神

·         丈夫失败要给予了解

·         妻子错了必须请求丈夫饶恕

·         透过丈夫的消极品格发现神要在他身上发掘出来的潜能

·         学习接纳丈夫的工资

重点：别人家有钱，我们家也很有钱，只是没有别人家有钱而已。

丈夫的责任

·         以妻子为优先

重点：妻子必须是比父母，孩子更优先。是一起肩並肩走的，没有一个人是可以取代这个特殊地位。

·         学习如何处理问题而不是给予她辅导

重点：女人一开心，就爱讲话。

·         给予妻子充分的时间表达她的意见

·         花时间了解妻子的需要

·         管教儿女的责任

·         要学习自制，尤其是在必要时分房

·         应负起属灵领袖的责任

·         饶恕妻子过去一切的过失

·         与妻子讨论人生的计划与目标

婚姻是充满挑战的,需要学习的。

减肥计划

今天公司有免费体检，秤了体重及体高，真的是吓死我啊！知道我多重吗？56.2kg!! 这是我一生中最重的时候！！ 我不要每过不久我就要不停重复“这是我一生中最重的时候！”不然这就表示我不停的增加体重！

再量量体高，既然是166cm而已！不是168cm吗？天哪！又肥又矮了！！真的很不爽得到这样的号码。。过来新加坡，体重是有升没减过。。。到底是哪里出了问题??

归纳出以下几点：
1）没运动。（难道每天走路不算嘛？？好啦，知道是很烂的借口)
2）谈恋爱了，所以人爽体重也爽？（有可能。胃口都好去！可是也不能把它当借口变重！）
3）太压力，尤其是工作及这里的生活环境。（会觉得被生活打倒，无奈。又是个借口）
4）吃外卖。（很大可能。来历不明的食物。这也是我没帮法改变的。不能自煮，连煮包面都不行，餐餐吃外头的。）
5）荷尔蒙作祟。（情绪常常忽高忽低。真是太不值得了那些让我情绪波动的人！真是非常不值得的借口，害我没好日子过。年纪也大了，新陈代谢会减低）

终结，我觉得吃是最大的因素，之后是运动，之后是情绪。

理出了结论了就得理出办法。

三餐
三餐是一定要的，尤其是早餐。
早餐：每天苹果一粒+面包/面/煮蛋
午餐：少饭/面类/面包
晚餐：少饭/yogurt+fruits/杜绝面类

其它时间杜绝任何零食至到在体重上有所进步。

运动
至少一星期一次“大”的运动，比如跑步，游泳，打羽球，ping pong
每天躺卧起伏由20下到50 下持续至到在体重上有所进步。

压力
这真的是有难度。日常生活上，工作上，感情上加起来会有种种的压力。怎么样适当的去处理就很考倒我。如果能自己解决掉还好（不过很伤神），不然又会牵扯到别人，尤其是情人就又多了一成压力，又会绊倒别人。发现其实重心真的要回归到上帝的面前，一切才会没有那么绝望消极。持续学习，情人，一起加油。
*就用没有压力就能瘦来鼓励自己！*


以上的能做到60%就很不错了.
至少我看起来不像有肥到。
看...

我哪里像肥了哈？？ 这是我几天前和几个礼拜前的照片而已！
还好有安慰到我。^^

一个奴才侍奉两个主可真的不行啊。
两个都不能得罪，
两个最厉害的就是推来推去。
然后苦了我啊~

叹了口气告诉自己，我跟着他们做就对了。
浪费时间是一定免不了的。
碰钉子更不用说。
唯有从事件中学习更灵巧的变通及反应才是我的重心点。

Why when getting older, we will tend to see things so complicated?？

At least i will. And i am getting older and older. 

Is it something like 见过黑所以怕黑. 我是不是见太多黑了？

Especially when deal with human being. Too much of bad stories from other also not good i think. 

When you hear people talking about "la ni na" last time in Sibu, you could see a lot of people go and store their 干粮 and do some funny things like my mom buying 土油灯=.= 

When you hear people say got 狗瘟then you can see a lot of dogs will be killed cause people will suspect those bulu cabut anjing are all having狗瘟。

When people say SARS can be cured by green bean, you could see the uncle in the grocery store all laugh till no eyes only teeth. Cause they mark up the price for green bean and sell to those funny people. Including my mom too. Again.=.=

Kla..i don't bullshit here. Just wanna get back my 赤子之心。

妈说家的狗好像有病。。。就怕不长命了。

以前阿白也是有病，我一直相信它会好起来，很乐观看待，结果它麻是痛苦的死了。

赤子之心好像派不上用场了...

I went to Kelong Ahfatt at Sibu Island. Somewhere near to Kota Tinggi, Johor. It was a fun trip. I didn’t expect much from the trip but when I reached the wharf, when I saw the water (not clean of course), I started to get excited. The sea was beautiful with all the different layer colors. I saw the小剑鱼在海上跳跃了好几回！The mood was getting more and more high. I love boat. I love sea.

When we reached there, the place kinda shocked me. It was totally open. No privacy at all. Everyone will know what you were doing at there. No door (except washroom).  The place has a little bit of fishy smell, not so clean (especially on the floor, you could see a lot of marks on the floor. )I only knew it when we started to do fishing. It was the bait! People cut the bait straightaway on the wooden floor. That’s where the fishy smell came from.

I was having the feeling, “yuacks! So dirty…and so hot outside, no shelter to cover somemore…But when one of our friends caught the 1^st catch, the “I also wanna get one” feeling came. Girls all put on thick sunblock then we all went out to get our fishing tools and started to hunt our fish! And tada…these were just some of it!! So colourful right??? Learnt to know how to use the fishing rod properly, like how to through the bait far and how to take the bait out of the fishes’ mouth! Full of fun!!!

Erm....they told me to do so....to make the small fish the bait. But it didn't work at all..

The only thing that I couldn’t stand was the washroom+bathroom. Everything went down to the sea…Yuacks…I don’t dare to shit for the 2 days at there..Just couldn’t make it. And I only shower once. Suspecting the water was not clean too…

On the last night we had their chef to cook our fishes for us as supper. With red wine and vodka. 吹着海风，吃着新鲜出炉的鱼，小酌两口，真悠哉。

I met with uni mate on facebook.
She kinda like coming peace but i couldn't make it with her.
Cause she's just not my type.
The resentments are kinda difficult to wash away.
It takes time.
Or maybe she just simply not my cup of tea.
Forget about that.
None of my business.

Just not the right time to clean up my mind. Busy recently.

Staying at Singapore for around half a year, seldom i will go out and eat alone. Funny thing is now i started to learn to eat outside alone. Especially after the tiring job. What trigger me to do so? FAT! Eating late makes me feel very guilty to my body. Sometimes up to 9pm only i can have my dinner. And now i sleep quite early at night. I don't really have enough time for my lovely stomach to digest all. The result now is I have cute tummy. I don't like it lo =.=

It's quite interesting to eat alone here. Actually not alone, especially at those indoor or outdoor food court cause everyone is sharing the table with strangers. It is their culture already, not like in Sarawak. You will get to see different types of people. Until now i only met with those middle age uncles and aunties. You actually can curi listen their conversation and still pura pura act like i don't understand Cantonese or Hokkien. But i know a bit a bit...^^ I was wondering if they wanna ask me something in future, i will use mandarin to reply them i don't understand then pura pura eat my food and get ready my ears to curi dengar again! HAHA!So fun!

BTW, i wrote quite a lot of post this afternoon about argument. But don't know why blogger didn't save my draft so when i clicked publish the whole post gone. So sien...i lazy to type again cause couldn't recall. All are sudden thoughts. But basically is about there are goods and bads about argument. But nothing is unresolvable if you have the heart and the mindset to work it up. Something like this.

My mom just called. I love my mom. And my dad. And all my family. And JL. And all my lovely and supportive friends.

V is telling me that from her point of view to perceive me and my boss is like "i was the assistant who were reluctant to provide fully support to my boss. "

I feel bad. Honestly.
And i really dislike my boss.

Well, i can't control how others look at me and how my boss treats me. No point to further discuss on this.  All i can do is tying my best to do my job. It is not within my control to change the situation. There are so many factors involving in. I am neither totally wrong nor right.

Afterall i still need to move on this.

It is damn fucking easy to blame on other.

So do i.

I feel suffocated at times. By the hectic lifestyle, all the responsibilities and commitments. One thing is clear, i am not someone who is irresponsible or easily give up to everything.

I figured it out a bit by myself.  When i am in the "suffocated" or stress mood, everything seems not right for me. Everything.  Just everything. I think because at that moment, the "my feeling" is taking control of my mind. And the only feeling that comes most of the time is all negetive/bad feeling. That explain why i easily get frustrated especially when talking over the phone with him. I assumed that he should unerstand my feeling and comfort me. But the thing is he is he. He is male. He never know how fast a woman can change their mood and he can't catch my thinking too. Rarely can spot the right one. In the end he always felt being fooled by me which makes me want to escape more from those bad feeling.

What to do? The more i tell him, i feel like the more i need to explain. And if i can't make good explanation, then everything started to be complicated. The intention is just a girl-boyfriend daily sharing...but ended up all the miserable feeling. Recently having the better-don't-tell-so-much feeling before sleep cause it will affect our sleeps which later add on another guilt feeling of creating sleepless night to each other.

Sometimes i just need a quiet time.  Time for me only.
How am i gonna do to make him understand?
How to ease the uncomfortable feeling?

SHIT! I started liking being alone again. (mood swinging here and there again i know..)

From single to couple, i still need to learn a lot a lot.
Selfish again.

women should ? or shouldn't ?

I read an article on Today On Sunday. Here it is.

I take great pleasure in being a woman, but there are so many expectations from society on what i should or shouldn't do. I heartily agree with some of these impositions, but consider others downright insulting.

For example, women should know how to cook.
Many of us have ambitions to be hugely successful in our careers.  With our competitive working schedules, there isn't much time left to learn domestic skills. (except those learnt from their mom).

Women should be more decisive.
Honey, the only things guaranteed in life are death, taxes and change. So accept it, a woman will keep changing her mind several times a day.

Women should mean it when they say everything's fine.
That's true.  Why expect the poor fellow to read your mind.  He can't even find his clean socks, or know when he's done something wrong (again), so put him out of his confusion and guide him.

Women shouldn't get drunk.
I disagree with that when i'm sipping a nice wine, but agree wholeheartedly when i see a woman crying (usually over the ex), having someone hold her hair back while she throws up by the side of the road, or getting carried out of the cab. A woman who imbibes elegantly is a lovely sight to behold.

Women should know how to drive.
Guys tell me that they want to be picked up and chauffeured sometimes.  I believe it's necessary for a woman to be independently mobile whenever she wants, or be able to take the keys of his Audi and drive off. Forever.

Women should wax.
As far as i know, men are hairy gorillas.  But they never say that men should wax.  Yet even the most hirsute would eye a woman's barely-visible leg fuzz and remark with disdain, "wah, so hairy".  I agree that dark stubby hair on women's limb and maybe underarms could do with some waxing.  But that's as far as it should go, guys.  Stop trying to make her look like she's 12.

And, finally, woman should use sex as a weapon.
Absolutely.  How else can we get you to do the things you'd never volunteer for, like life that heavy luggage onto the top shelf, kill the cockroach hiding in the cupboard, or stop face-mailing your hot ex-girlfriend?  It's a win -win situation when we reward you for your good behavior, because we both feel deep satisfaction.

大裤配小裤

A story to tell

Better don't spell out a word when you are angry.

Cause you will see someone happying beside you.

Then someone will be crying.

Then something will be broken.

Then a lot of this will be needed.

At the end it might bring to this.

Or if lucky is this.

End of the story.