I shall pleased myself before i pleased others. It's hard to pleased other and ignored mine. i just kinda hard to make it. People will only take for granted one step closer than another steps on me. They might think that i am alright with that and continue doing so, so that everything needs to go according to their plans. That's really a bad cycle.

I personally think that i am not someone who is difficult to spend with. I am blur and kinda messy at time but i learnt from every mistakes, like so serious. I dislike to be caught by the same person twice about my weakness, especially those treated me not really in respect manner. Mind these people, i can be better and better than you!

I am experiencing daily life that i need to tone in with someone who's having a different background of mine. Everyday i have new attitude to learn with in order to ease my life. And all these came from the mistakes that i've done before and that makes today's lesson. Flexibility plays an important role in my life now. But of course, that's not easy to cope with when i need to humble down myself and follow others' needs.

Sometime i doubted still. Some resentment, i pulled back for myself only. There is no way i can get them out with peacefully. The belief that i used to be firm with, started to shake. 

May Lord grants me wisdom and used me wisely.

I've been in Miri for almost 2 months.
Working life so far okay, busy enough to not bored me and not yet to stress me.
But one of my colleagues she's always testing my patience everyday.
Some of the days i felt guilty for not being so tolerate with her cause i think she was doing too little job and she was slow.
I felt guilty cause i understand that she could be those type of people who catch things up slow but very detail, maybe she just need times.  
I couldn't tolerate with her cause i was rushing in and out, taking part of the job that is supposed to be her job scope, and yet she complained this and that so complicated.
Everyday i go to work, while i am driving, i will talk to myself, be patient and learn to see people's good things instead of negative ones.
And be thoughtful not to be harsh to others no matter who did wrong.

He is still anxious at times.
Perhaps this is him.
And he always not feeling well.
At times he complained he was too heavy, and he weighted his weight everyday.
Before blood donation he worried that might harm health.
After blood donation, he feels dizzy at many times.
His stomach bloated so frequent, but he is okay to missed the doctor appointments.
He said he think that one day he may get colon cancer cause his stomach not good.
He felt tired almost every night before get bed to sleep.
Somehow i think that his determination is not strong enough on some matter.

I am grateful cause I am at least a fast learner. But why I feel like there is not fair between us. Why always the capable do more and those less capable do less however getting the same reward? The world is never fair. I just gotta deal with it and live with it.

I feel like something wrong..I have no friends here. I wish I can talk with someone who is same sex with me. Someone who can listen and support me. There is no joy with colleague so far. There are just colleague and that's it.

I miss friends

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