Dear God

Please give me strength and power to get myself away from anything that is de-motivated so that I’m able to think and act wisely. To forget the mistakes of the past including forgive the people who brings up the pass memories to my life. To forgive myself and let You be the only one to judge me and my life but not from any other. To look at the sunny side of every incident that happened to me.  To guard my heart with Your words.

My past

Just looked back all the older posts, so funny to read them.
i think most of the post were about my relationship and many many complains.

Realized that i used to be so childish and stubborn also.

Tired

I'm tired, mentally.

Sick of the tricks of other.

All the mess.

 

Called me freak or something,

i'm enjoying be only myself. Alone.

I just can't show you a big smile when it is not from my heart.

Yes,

I'm weird.

thought i wanna say something here....

Mmm..better keep it for myself.

照片

照片发明的本质到底是什么意愿？
我相信是要把美好的记忆给记录起来。
一直也以为是这样。

如今回头看好像不止这么简单。
它可以是人们的恶梦。
裸照勒索人。
移花接木恶作剧。
悲痛的回忆。

一起留下了印忆又怎样？
大家认同了又怎样？
只怕哪天回头只觉可悲，
一场空梦。
一则话柄而已！

烙印在心中的才是永久的.
祝福了。

So ridiculous! I’m the 1 who involved not you. Your job is to make sure fulfill customer’s needs! But not asking people to drop the case and take the easy way out!   

Want me to quit?

Not even close!

Phone Harassment

I've been harassed.
Trust me, those who never had this kinda experience will never understand it.
I think i'm brave enough when i'm dealing with this psychopath.
I did not satisfy his will by screaming or scolding which might make he highs.
And i thought this crazy people just called for fun and won't bother to call twice...
Who knows he called again this morning!
What a creep!
No choice. End up report to police.

My 1st police report...
The gal writing report for me kept on asking people around who to report the "gagguan lucah".
So guys police all kepo-kepo came near to read my report on her computer, like never heard about this kinda case before.
When she asked me what did the guy said, i was like how am i gonna tell you!!!! in front of the counter where there were some people still Q-ing at waiting area!.........
Anyway, finally 2 singh came and the counter girl asked me to follow 1 of them.
In the lift, the singh asked me, "Do you know the guy?"
I answered,"I've no idea"
He then asked" why is he doing this to you?"
I replied,"If i would know i won't be here with you in the lift."
He kept quiet.

So in his room, i answered the same questions like the gal asked.
Funny thing was i have to help him correct the spelling of some words.
While he was busy writing on the report, i rolled my eyes to look around his room...
messy, small, the door got brown color water mark....a singer TV, i saw lotion also, his uniform, some newspaper cutting with his inside it, got lagu polis also (lyric), a heap of files and he put all his stationery inside a square basket (extremely funny)...

He gave me a solution: asked my operator to identify the caller before passing the call to me.
When i was going to leave, he passed me a short note with his name and his ph no.
I asked,"is it if i receive another harass call then i just call you?"
He laughed, "nola, call me for what? no use also. Just try to avoid answering the call."

I guess it was an interesting experience, i mean the whole police reporting procedure.

What an Emo weekend...
Phew...finally get through it!
So basically i've figure out a way to encourage myself on my ministries.
Since the main reasons for me getting sick of the church ministries are people and tireness, i'll make myself flexible and i won't force myself to do something that i'm not so willing to do.
All the meetings i'll weight the seriousness and how urgent before i go, and i won't bullshit-ing much with people cause that will make them think that "Wow!! WPP likes to hear me bullshit-ing!" "Let's bullshit with her everytime we met!"
I know i'm kinda weird but this is the only way i could tolerate now, before i find out some better ideas.
It is also to ensure that i can still enjoy my ministrys life. But not lossing the passionate on it.

Focus on what i want. 

当要找人倾述时，祷告是最好的。因为与人倾述只会越说越乱。那我写可以吗？

大家口上都会说越侍奉越甘甜，没有人会说越侍奉越累。可是我累了。因为我的信心小了。星期六日也变得没那么期待，反而觉得好累。大家都很自私，包括我在内。

人际上对每个人打标签。也让我没那么喜乐。

这个很多话，很呱喳。我不喜欢。我说过我不会跳伊班舞，她就偏偏要我在大家面前赶快跳，舞了它的手势要我跟着学。我也说了很多遍，我还不会，等我会了会舞给她看。我想或许她很想跳吧，要求不然我和她对换让她跳好了，她马上住嘴。拿到服装时，硬硬要我在露天摊马上试说要拍照！我知道我没这个细胞，所以找了人教我们部分的舞，私下约了时间练舞，她就问那她们乐器的几时练？可不可以让我喘口气让我一步一步来好吗？我没有你们那么多时间，上好课有很多多余的时间自己觉得浪费不去练习偏偏要等周末通知别人安排给你们练习！

这个说到教书就说我不会我不会。不会为什么不要学？就宁愿不会下去！我需要你们的分担！我一个人做的很累很压力。为什么大家就是明明知道却装作一副不知道的样子？我好想请假。

这个好像很脆弱。听到我有打算出国就哭了。=.=lll 是怎么了到底？所以要对她小心翼翼，避免又害她哭。

昨晚我兴起不侍奉的念头。打算辞了一些侍奉。

今天在车上突然惊醒，脑中有个画面。
“当我在想辞了一些侍奉时，撒旦在旁边偷笑！”

我的软弱，我的诸多抱怨让我越做越累。
每每很累了却又不能入睡时，我知道我有压力了。

想找个人来抱怨，可是自己心里会很亏欠，因为是自己先不能有颗容忍的心。








抱怨这么多应该气也消了一大半，也懂自己哪些还需加强。。。
文字的创造真的是太奥妙了！