My mom cried in front of me, complaining about how my dad looked down on my brother. Blaming her for spoiling him. I listened to her rationally. I did not cry. She complained that who should she talk to when i am not longer at home. My heart shakes. My dad scolded each of everyone of us like we were not his children. The phrase "broken family" appeared in my mind tonight. Was i from a broken family? I don't think it counts as broken family. Unhealthy family would be more suitable.
I saved a draft long long time ago at here. It was about how i felt towards my dad. Obviously it was all about his bad things. I think i survive pretty good in my family. I'm good in my exams, i successfully went to University and graduated. Though i did not manage to have a high pay now, but at least, i'm not his buah mulut to scold for. Not as frequent as my brother. My brother was not so good in his study. so do my sister. And my dad has the tendency to think that those who score well is the one that can make him proud. Which he never showed to us. Or he never thought that we have anything for him to proud for. I always told my mom, i was used to it. I lie. I know no matter how good i am in lying, i couldn't lie to myself. I'll never use to it. As long as i'm alive, i woud not be able to use to it. Because he is my dad. So i changed mine. I try to be the person that he wants, or at least not to make him angry. In the other word, spoilt him.
But i can't stand the way he treats my mom. To make my mom cries. That would make me think of every guy is as bad as him. I was train to be strong and independent because of them. I don't want to make my mom disappointed, i grew strong. I was cool because i hate guy. I hate my dad. I hate him for making my mom suffered from depression. When i was in primary, i told my mom, i had dad but i felt like i don't have. This hatred last for very long. Stanley was the 1st person that cure my wound. I was suspecting myself lacking of father's love cause i'm falling in love with someone 8 yrs older than me. But Jon proved me wrong.
Now i have rearrange my feeling. I know he loves me. But just the way he expressed himself is a bit odd. Sometimes too over. One thing remain the same, he has bad temper. I always told myself, only until i can totally bear his bad temper than is time for me to become someone's wife. I still complain about him , but this time i'll find way and time to talk with him. To let him know that he shouldn't treat us like that. I can imagine how serious the situation when he get old. The 1 who suffer most would be him.
For me, my mom is an angel. Though she don't look like or act like or sound like. But she's the perfect wife. Perfect model as a mom. I love you mom. The way i proved to you is reflected on the way i treat myself.
I know there is something for us to learn. Take heart.
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