From August to September

Dramatically change from August to September.
From the very beginning of August, went to Kuching to attend my junior's wedding with him, so happy like we were going to go through every ups and downs, the sweetest smile and happiest expression. A week after the trip, he said it was all over. Then we were over. It was still the early of August i assumed.
The day after broke up until the early of September was my struggling period. I tried to look back to him which only get back cold response. Crying in front of friends and family that i never thought i would. Digging his facebook profile to know every single move of him. And all the infor i get tore me into pieces. The last message i gave him was "stay close to Him no matter how." It shows i couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything else by my own. I've no authority to say so. Then i made this blog into public. I started to realize one by one, the bad to share a blog with your lover only,  the bad to take photos with your lover together, the bad to present your lover the photos of both, the bad to hang the photos on the wall that everyone would notice, the bad to write love letter, the bad to go traveling only with your lover, the bad to tell everything to your lover, and the good to not giving your lover any memorial present.
September, i was learning to forgive both of them. And myself. For this incident. For him, i didn't blame him for saying it was over, i should knew that we were indeed having problem when we were together, something just not right yet we didn't say it out. And he made the move to call off. The right move i called it. For him, i was trying to forgive you, and i was really gratify to know that your marriage was aiming right. And your wife looked more chubby, it was much more better than the skeleton look. And congrats for soon to have another new member. To be honest, i couldn't be your friend. Never. But i'll totally forgive you one day. For myself, i knew somewhere, somehow i did wrong. And i believed all the consequences start from me. A huge realization behind the fact.
At time, i'm still struggling for something unknown. At time, I would be pessimistic too.
During these period, I was getting closer to some friends. Get to know that they always care about me.  It was shamed to only know now that friendship will gonna play a vital part in my life. I missed this for quite a long time.
I am looking forward from September to October and October to November and....